Page 20 of Out of the Storm

“Guess you can say that. Yeah,” Gary replied with a smile. Then he glanced up at the cat clock on the wall, and his smile turned to a frown. “Oh boy, I should head back.”

Jeff tried not to let his own disappointment show. “Time for the radio?”

“Almost.”

So, Jeff walked Gary out, and then, once Gary had ridden his bike out of view, Jeff returned to the kitchen. While pouring himself a second cup of coffee, his thoughts wandered straight back to Gary—his bright eyes, his stupid humor, and that beautiful, velvety voice. And once again, he couldn’t believe hisstupid stunt—leaving his coat behind at Gary’s place—had actually worked.

***

Later that night, Jeff sat back into the cushions on his couch and listened as Gary Graham rambled on about some new building under construction nearby, the sound from the radio not quite soothing him like it normally would. He’d just returned from a night out with Brandon less than one hour before, and he realized he was still swaying a little. He let out an irritated, rumbly groan. Yeah, he’d probably had too many cocktails.

Good thing Brandon had been the one behind the wheel.

Good thing they hadn’t seen Don either.

Every time he and Brandon went out to a bar, especially if the bar was in Newton Falls, he’d spend the entire time feeling like a tightly wound top—nervous and tense, on the lookout the whole time, his thoughts poised to spiral out of control. But, still, he couldn’t let Donwin. And so, he went out with Brandon. A lot. Probably too often. Especially because he sometimes had a couple of beers when he got home too. Or a few fingers of whiskey on thereallyhard nights.

It wasn’t smart. Jeffknewit wasn’t smart. He had lost his mother to the lure of the bottle. And yet, here he was, swaying while sitting on the fucking couch, having had too many cocktails to manage to stay upright.

As of yet, Jeff never felt theneedto drink. Only the want.

But it was probably only a matter of time.

Shame settled over him, heavy and uncomfortable, the emotion only slightly numbed from the whiskey sours he’d had at the bar. Resting his head in his hands, Jeff let himself become lost in Gary’s silly weather forecast while the room started to spin.

“Let’s take a look out the popular weather window. According to my wind indicators, it seems to be a bit breezy out there, seeing as though they’re exhibiting some movement. And, you know, if I can stand to shut my mouth for a moment, I think I’ll hear their faint clanging in a second too.”Gary paused, probably to listen to his wind chimes.“Yup. So, bundle up if you’re heading out tonight, because I’m sure it’s even colder with the wind chill.”

Goofy man, that Gary Graham. Jeff could barely stand how much he liked him. Gary was everything Jeff wanted, even if he’d never known it until now. He was sweet and silly and the embodiment of someone who had probably been the president of the AV club when he was in school. Basically, Gary was the opposite of every other man Jeff had ever been with. He was fucking incredible.

He had to figure out a way to see Gary’s stupidly cute face soon. Maybe he could bring Gary something? Pretend that he had stumbled upon something Gary could use. But what?

After a few more seconds of muddled thinking, Jeff glanced over at the storage closet across the room. Maybe that could work. Slowly, he peeled himself off the couch, his whole body wobbly and tingly, and then he stumbled over and opened up the closet. When he pulled one of the boxes from the closet’s top shelf, the entire stack nearly came crashing down on top of him, but he somehow managed to have the wherewithal to reach out and shove the rest back into place.

Kneeling, Jeff pried the box open. It was filled with a whole bunch of books from his late mother’s bookcase and books his father had mailed him—probably some kind of“I’m still yourfather”bullshit, even though Jeff hadn’t spoken to his father in years. Shoving the unpleasant memories of his parents to the side, Jeff began riffling through the contents of the box. Mostly fiction. But a couple of random nonfiction books too. One on birds. One on space. One on navigating loss. Yeah, Gary’d like these. He could thumb through them for factoids for his shows.

Quickly, Jeff snatched his backpack from the closet and filled it.

Once he returned to the couch, Jeff continued to listen to Gary’s nonsense show, surprised to find that he was now enjoying most of it, though he still wished he had a set of earplugs for the music portions. While Gary read off a couple of commercials, Jeff closed his eyes and let himself fantasize about what it would be like to kiss the silly man from the radio. God, how he wanted to. Gary’d probably be a fantastic kisser. Better than every other man Jeff had ever kissed. Why had he let himself be with so many complete and utter pieces of shit over the years? It had taken the very worst experience of Jeff’s life to wake him up to his pattern of falling for terrible men. So, maybe Don had given him that, at least—clarity.

And now that Jeff had clarity, he was able to like people like Chris Phillips, the meteorology student from Oklahoma who had been so fucking nice and had taught him everything he knew about storm chasing, and Gary Graham, the corniest, smartest, kindest Goddamn person Jeff had ever met.

So, yeah, it seemed like Don had provided Jeff with the ability to like men who weren’t the least bit terrible. All it had cost him was the ability to ever be happy with any of them. Or happy without them.

All it had cost him was the ability to be happy at all.

Chapter Five

Gary

Once Gary was home from making his rounds with the local businesses on Monday afternoon, he collapsed onto the sofa in his recording studio, nearly falling asleep on the spot. Boy, the last few nights had been rough. Seeing that photograph in the box from Dawn had bothered him more than he would have ever imagined. Now, not only was his brain constantly bombarding him with half-forgotten boyhood memories—scenes of Little League practices and barbecues and car trips to East Coast beaches—but his loneliness was also so painful that he could barely sleep.

He wished he had someone to talk to. Someone other than Mel. If only he had a boyfriend—someone sweet and sensitive who would hold him or, heck, even just be with him. Someone to keep him company while he figured out how to soothe the ever-present sting of parental rejection.

What a mess this was. Gary hoped he could figure out how to scrub his brain clean sometime soon. Otherwise, he might collapse from exhaustion. Maybe he ought to make some coffee so that he could get through the rest of the afternoon. He still had a couple of hours beforeTell Me S’moreeven started.

The thought of coffee had Gary’s mind wandering back to yesterday afternoon at Jeff’s house. Seeing Jeff had really helped take his mind off of his past for a while. Jeff was kind. Surprisingly kind. Especially since Gary had mentally branded him GeneralGrump when they had first seen each other in the food court. As he nearly drifted off to sleep, Gary kept replaying their time together in his mind, letting Jeff’s kind smile continue to distract him from all that other family stuff he so desperately wanted to forget.

A sudden knock at the front door caused Gary to startle. He got up to see who it was, saying a silent prayer that it not be his mom or Dawn or anyone else who wanted to shove some painful photographs in his face.

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