Page 37 of Out of the Storm

Gary smiled. “Yeah, you’re right. Or Mary.”

“Right, so—”

“Great. Now I won’t be able to stop trying to remember his wife’s name.”

“Radio man, let it be.”

“Are you quoting the Beatles?”

“What?”

“Don’t tell me you aren’t familiar with the song,” Gary argued.

“I think we’ve strayed from the topic. Which was phone sex.”

Gary let out a sigh, and this time the heat in his cheeks was more from awkwardness than anything else. “Jeff, I... look, okay,this is embarrassing, but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to believe that you like me enough for me to... successfully complete the mission tonight.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re not here with me.”

“So?”

“Masturbating seems . . . private.”

“Come on. Try it with me.”

Nervousness and longing and self-doubt all mixed together and twisted inside of him, and Gary wasn’t able to stop himself before the next words tumbled out of his mouth.

“Can’t you come over instead?”

Geeeeez. What the heck was wrong with him? Needy, needy, needy.

“Radio man, I’dloveto. Really. But . . .”

“We can keep it casual?” Gary offered, though he hated himself for it.

Why on earth was he like this? Jeff had rejected him once. Why was he begging for more heartbreak?

Jeff let out a long sigh. “Ugh, Gare, my problem with relationships... it’s... Look, we can have phone sex because I can hang up on you.”

Several seconds passed before that strange statement registered in Gary’s brain. Once it had, he sputtered a laugh, partially because he was still so nervous and partially because, wow, that wasnotsomething he had expected Jeff to say.

“Sorry, I know laughing was probably the wrong reaction,” Gary said. “But you have to admit, that sounds a little... mean, maybe, or... I can’t even think of the word. We can have phone sex because you can hang up on me?”

“Yeah, okay, I sound like an asshole,” Jeff said, now laughing a little himself. “Ugh, fuck. I’m trying to say that... that it helps that you’re far away, that you’re not the one touching me.”

Gary’s stomach seized, the implication of Jeff’s words like a swift punch to his torso.You’re not the one touching me.Those words, they reminded him of how Mel had sounded, of similar words she’d said after her college boyfriend had forced himself on her, and now, even though Gary’s first instinct was to bombard Jeff with a whole bunch of likely-way-too-intrusive questions, he knew that it wasn’t his place to push Jeff to say more. Still, Gary’s mind started conjuring up all sorts of possibilities to explain what Jeff had meant, and every single one of them was horrible, so horrible, in fact, that Gary’s eyes were starting to water. And that was even more humiliating than his earlier admission. He wasn’t supposed to be the one who was upset. Why couldn’t his body react properly to anything tonight?

The long silence must have tipped Jeff off because he cleared his throat quietly and then said, “I’m okay, Gare.”

Geez, Jeff probably thought he was such a weirdo for being so emotional.

“Jeff...” Gary swallowed against the lump in his throat, unable to think of what to say. Maybe something to show that he was... that he was a safe person to talk to? Something sympathetic? “I’m so sorr—”

“Don’t. Please.”

“Okay,” Gary said, cringing, self-reproach turning his face hot. Again. Apparently, offering sympathy had not been the right move. Not that he had any idea what the right move was, or how they were supposed to get back to where they had been earlier—teasing and laughing and about to—

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