Page 44 of Out of the Storm

“Don’t.” Gary bent to catch Jeff’s eye and succeeded. “I’m plenty happy with what we have. Really.”

“Yeah?”

Gary gave him a tentative but real smile. “I’ll be honest, I’ve never had something like this before, but I like it. I’m not sure if I ever told you this, but I’m the type of person who tends to rush the physical stuff. Which,phew, hasn’t turned out very well for me in the past. I think what we have is kind of helping me. I feel like we’re really becoming close.”

While Jeff wasn’t entirely sure what the hell Gary Graham was trying to say, it was late and he was tipsy and he really wasn’t up for this back-and-forth, will-they-won’t-they kind of shit. Especially because, beneath his infuriating insecurity, Jeff still wanted them to continue to be whatever the hell they were. If Gary was okay with it for some weird reason that Jeff’s inebriated brain couldn’t comprehend, then, well, he wouldn’t keep trying to put up walls.

So, instead, Jeff gave Gary a teasing smirk and said, “You’re weird, radio man.”

“I know.”

After a moment, Jeff stood up straight again.

“Okay.”

“We’reokay then?” Gary asked.

“Yeah. We are.”

Gary rocked back and forth on his heels a couple of times and then said, “Hey, uh, I think I’m partied out. Do you mind if I find your friend?”

“Nah. Go ahead.”

Gary left. Five minutes later, he came back alone. Apparently, Brandon seemed reluctant to leave (he was really enjoying spending time with Mel’s friend Sandy), and Gary thought maybe he and Jeff could walk back home instead. Which was fine. Preferable, even. It’d be a forty-minute walk, but it would give them plenty of time to talk.

So, Gary and Jeff set off toward their houses. Jeff wasn’t really sure whether they’d veer their separate ways eventually or whether one of them would walk the other home, but he supposed they’d figure that out later. For the first half of the walk, Gary told Jeff a bunch of stories about the flings he’d had in college, clearly still trying to explain himself for his earlier comments, and Jeff thought that maybe he should stop him, tell him that none of that mattered, but it kind ofdidmatter. He wanted to know Gary—his past, his fuckups, his regrets—and so, he listened to every single one of Gary’s stories.

Once they had been walking for twenty or thirty minutes, Jeff realized that maybe Gary would have liked it if he shared things about his past too. But how could he put everything he’d been through into words? Every fucking part of his past seemed too pathetically sad to talk about. Shitty home life? Check. Deadparent? Check. Bad relationships? Check. Jeff’s stomach seized from the mere thought of sharing these things with sweet, chipper Gary Graham.

Nah, there was no way he was ready to give Gary the paint-by-numbers version of his past and admit to all the reasons why he was so messed up.

Eventually, they reached the point in town where they’d have to split up, and they stopped at the intersection where they were supposed to part, neither of them seeming keen on going their separate ways. After a few moments of awkward lingering, a sharp wind rushed past. Jeff hugged himself to stave off the cold, but refused to be the one to leave first. Gary stepped closer. He was hugging himself too.

One more breeze whipped through Jeff’s hair, and Gary shuddered a little. Fuck, it was so hard not to hug him right then. But Jeff couldn’t let himself. He should probably go.

“Well, see you later, radio man,” Jeff said, trying to keep his voice level, even though having to leave was making him feel like someone had thrust a knife in his stomach.

How he’d love to take Gary home and ravish the hell out of him.

“See ya, Jeffrey,” Gary said.

Gary turned without even trying for a hug, twisting the blade and making Jeff wince.

As he walked the rest of the way home, Jeff kept his hands out of his pockets, letting the frigid wind burn his skin and keep his mind off of how fucking shitty all this was.

If only he could figure out a way to show Gary how much he really liked him.

Chapter Nine

Gary

On the first Saturday in May, Gary was sitting cross-legged in front of the coffee table in Mel’s living room, scoring his class’s final exams while she scribbled in a notebook on the couch. Poetry, probably. Mel loved poems. Reading them. Writing them. She had written Ken a bunch of them. Hopefully Ken realized how lucky he was to have someone who cared so much. When the thought entered Gary’s head, he couldn’t help but smile to himself a little. Because nowhehad someone who cared for him too. It wasn’t official, but, well, it wassomething. Right?

Insecurity flared to life inside him, making his heart race while panic flooded his veins. Even though he and Jeff were more than friends, they still weren’tboyfriends. Gary had never had a relationship like this before—one without a label, one where he couldn’t rely on physical touch to not only show the man he was with how much he liked him, but to feel a sense of security in how much that person likedhimtoo.

Wow, emotionally clingyandphysically clingy. He really was the complete package of neediness, wasn’t he?

Instead of letting himself continue to feel bad, especially because he wasn’t in the mood to have Mel pester him for it, Gary tried to redirect his thoughts to other things—like the way he and Jeff chatted every evening and the way Jeff liked to tease him and the way Jeff’s sweet voice sounded so low and husky when they were intimate over the phone. Those things, theyhadto mean something. And, heck, Jeff had even come up with a cute nickname for him!Radio man. He could practicallyhearJeff saying it now. God, he was lucky. Gary smiled wistfully.

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