Page 65 of Out of the Storm

Gary moved his thumb from Jeff’s cheek down to his lips, letting it linger there.

And Jeff’s small smile never faltered, not even for a second.

Gary moved his face closer, stopping when their noses were only a hair’s breadth apart, and waited for Jeff’s response, for Jeff to stop him. But Jeff stayed silent, his body still. Closing his eyes, Gary took a pause to relish the warmth of each of Jeff’s exhales and then moved his lips closer and closer.

Still, Jeff never pulled away.

Heart thudding wildly, Gary leaned forward to touch their lips together.

And they kissed.

Excitement zipped through Gary’s veins. He was kissing him. He, Gary Graham, was kissing the beautiful and perfect Jeff Russo. And Jeff was kissing him back. Hooking a hand behind Jeff’s head, Gary pulled him closer. Every fiber of his entire being caught fire with the need for the two of them to be together,reallytogether. He wanted to hold Jeff close, to protect him, to never let go. He wanted Jeff to be his. Forever.

But then, before Gary could understand what was happening, Jeff’s hands were on his, prying them off of his face, and Jeff pulled back, breaking their kiss.

“Gare . . .” Eyes wide with what looked to be fear, Jeff shook his head. “I . . .”

Every ounce of elation rushed out of Gary in an instant, and he slunk back, crumpling in on himself like paper. “God, I’m so sorry, Jeff.I never meant to—”

“Let’s head back.” Jeff started toward the Cadillac. “Everyone’ll be at the bar soon.”

Self-loathing twisting inside him, Gary followed Jeff to the car. Neither of them spoke. For the entire ride that followed, Jeff stared straight ahead, looking lost in thought.

And he never once reached for Gary’s hand.

Chapter Twelve

Jeff

Sitting at the bar, Jeff threw back his second whiskey sour and then inadvertently slammed the tumbler onto the counter when he was finished, causing Gary to flinch. Everyone else from their little storm-chaser group was engaged in conversation, chattering happily, celebrating the fact that they’d seen two tornadoes in the last couple of days—a practically unheard-of experience, even for folks who lived in the region. But Jeff couldn’t bring himself to feel celebratory. His thoughts kept returning to the moment when Gary had kissed him.

The moment their lips touched, Jeff had felt a tiny blip of excitement, but then that excitement had been followed by a whole mess of fear and self-hatred. And, fuck, how could he have reacted that way to Gary’s touch? Gentle, kind, patient Gary who cared for him, who would never hurt anyone, who liked corny puns and preferred to eat burgers made with mashed vegetables. What the hell was wrong with him? Angry with himself, Jeff had stopped their kiss, knowing that if he forced himself to keep kissing Gary, he might end up pushing his radio man away entirely. Emotionally. Physically. Both. It was like Newton’s law. Equal and opposite reactions. Something beyond his control. And it was fucking humiliating.

So, Jeff had broken their kiss and had broken Gary’s spirit right along with it. And then, in the car, Jeff hadn’t even been able to look at him, to touch him. It had been too much, knowing howhe’d hurt Gary, the one person who had only ever shown him kindness. Even now, Jeff still couldn’t really face that truth—the truth about how much he’d fucked this up. Alcohol wasn’t helping. Time wasn’t helping.Nothingwas helping. Jeff’s stomach churned with shame.

When Jeff ordered a third cocktail, he tried not to notice how Gary’s forehead creased with worry. But of course he noticed. Jeff’s cheeks burned hotter.

“Jeff, I’m really sorry,” Gary said.

“Don’t be.”

Jeff wanted to tell Gary not to worry. He wanted to reassure him that they’d move past this, that eventually they’d kiss and fuck and cuddle and everything would be like it was supposed to be. But...

Fuck, what if that would be a lie? What if he was so Goddamn broken that he’d become incapable of ever experiencing physical intimacy with someone without eventually falling to pieces? Maybe no matter how slow they moved, he and Gary couldn’t ever be what Jeff wanted them to be.

Thirty more minutes passed. Jeff still hadn’t said much. Neither had Gary. Sometimes they’d both try to look like they were interested in the conversations happening around them, but neither of them really were. Jeff couldfeelGary’s lingering unease. It intertwined with his own, both emotions continuing to turn in his stomach, mixing with the booze from the cocktails he’d consumed and making him feel sick.

Both of them were still stuck in the storm, standing in front of the funnel, Jeff’s reaction to Gary’s kiss so catastrophic, it had put that nearby tornado to shame.

Needing to move, Jeff hopped off the stool and started toward the jukebox. Head swimming, he nearly tripped over his own two feet. Gary followed.

“Do you hate me now?” Gary asked.

Jeff whirled around so fast he nearly fell over, but he somehow managed to steady himself.

“What?”

“I shouldn’t have kissed you.”

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