Page 73 of Out of the Storm

“Nice to meet you too. Glad to see that Gary still has a friend, even with that busy schedule of his. Remind him to call his mother sometimes, will you?”

Gary’s cheeks felt hot, humiliation creeping up his neck.

“Be out in a few, Jeff,” he said, and he turned and rushed to the stairs.

Luckily, his conversation with Dawn turned out to be fairly painless. He told her that he’d meet her in Youngstown the following Sunday to start sorting through their father’s belongings. Hopefully they’d be able to sell the house soon. With the cash, Gary could finally purchase some new equipment for the radio station since it wasn’t the best idea to keep using the old stuff. Some of it was on the verge of obsolescence. Gary knew he should have brought up his mother’s potential betrayal, either with Dawn or, more importantly, with his mother herself. But...

Gosh, seeing her in person, hearing the pain in her voice when she’d made those comments about him not being around a lot, it had hurt his heart too much to make him want to try. Because some part of him knew that, if what he suspected was true, if she’d actually known where his father was living all these years, he might never be able to forgive her, to see her the same way.

And he couldn’t stomach the thought of losing his mother right now.

When Gary was finished talking with his sister, he rushed back outside to find Jeff. His kind-of-boyfriend was sitting cross-legged on the asphalt, waiting patiently.

“Ready, radio man?” Jeff said, looking up at Gary through a squint.

“Yeah.” He couldn’t say anything more right then, and he was glad when Jeff didn’t press him.

They both threw on their bike helmets and then started back toward Gary’s. Pedaling through the streets of Niles, worry (over the topic he hadn’t brought up) and shame (over his family life) sat heavy in Gary’s stomach, the emotions a tangled and painful mess, and the more time passed, the worse he felt. Gary hurried along, pulling ahead of Jeff. He wasn’t ready to talk still. God, he’d never brought a boyfriend or pseudo-boyfriend home before. And now he had. Jeff had seen where he’d been raised. He’d been provided with a window into Gary’s upbringing. And holy heck, was it embarrassing. Worse than that, though, Gary had shown Jeff just how much of a coward he was by avoiding the one subject he wassupposedto have brought up. More shame roiled around in his gut as he continued pedaling faster.

About halfway home, the swishing of the BMX chain tickled Gary’s ears, and before Gary could pick up his pace more, Jeff pulled up alongside him, pedaling hard.

“You okay, Gare Bear?”

Gare Bear.Geez, he loved when Jeff called him that.

“Sorry for the . . . strangeness,” Gary said.

“Family,” Jeff said with a shrug and a huff. “I know how that is.”

Some of Gary’s shame fell to the wayside as he remembered what Jeff had mentioned before about his family’s own messiness. Jeff really did understand. He let out a short breath and allowed his pedaling to slow to normal speed. “Thanks, Jeffrey.”

When they were finally back at Gary’s house, Jeff took Gary’s hand the moment they were inside, like he knew how much Gary needed the closeness. When Jeff squeezed Gary’s fingers, his heart seemed to constrict right along with them, the sensation making his breath catch momentarily.

“Sorry, Jeff, I—” Gary still couldn’t look at him. “I really hadn’t considered how horrible the visit would be. I mean, my mom, she’s... well... I think she’s the embodiment of the term ‘Catholic guilt,’ even though I was raised Lutheran. I was brought up with a healthy heap of shame. About everything, really.” When Jeff’s response wasn’t to laugh, but to smile in an “I’m-smiling-out-of-pity” sort of way, Gary couldn’t fight back a wince. “Not funny?”

“You’re always funny, Gare, but...” Jeff shook Gary’s hand back and forth a little. “I’m worried about you.”

“Oh.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Depends,” Gary found himself saying. “Do you still like me?”

Geez Louise, what was wrong with him? One brief visit home and he was morphing into a needy monster.

Smiling, Jeff shook his head. “Come on. Don’t be stupid.”

Even though Gary’s brain was screaming at him to stop with the insecurity crap, hestillresponded with, “So, that’s a no?”

Why, ohwhy, was he milking it like this? Even though Garyknewhe was being pathetic, boy, that trip home had sure made him feel a whole lot shittier than he’d anticipated, and now he just couldn’t seem to fight back the need to practicallybegfor reassurance that Jeff still wanted him.

In response, Jeff started pulling him toward the bedroom, and for the briefest moment, Gary’s first reaction was relief, some of that pesky nervousness he felt waning. Surrendering to the craving for reassurance, Gary let himself follow, but then, once they neared the bedroom, he was hit with a pang of unease.

“Jeff...” Guilt started to twist inside Gary’s stomach. “Look, I know you like me. I was being silly. IknowI was being silly. Don’t feel pressured into something for my sake.”

“I’m not,” Jeff said, pulling on Gary’s hand again. “Come with me. I want to show you howmuchI like you.”

“I know that’s what you’re trying for, but, really, I was only—”

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