Page 75 of Out of the Storm

“Gare. Please.”

“Jeffrey, if you think I can pretend that everything is fine and let you suck me off while very clearly feeling... scared or—or whatever that was, you’re . . . well, you’re very silly, I’ll put it that way. It’s the nicest way I can say it.”

Jeff sat back and closed his eyes. “God-fucking-dammit,” he muttered.

Gary scrambled to pull up his pants and briefs. Then he settled back on his knees and swallowed hard. Jeff still wasn’t looking at him, and more guilt bubbled up inside of him. “Jeff, I... I never want you to push yourself for me,” he said quietly.

“Gare, it wasn’t for you. Not entirely.” Jeff sighed. Without opening his eyes still, he scrambled for Gary’s hand and squeezed it. “Iwanted you.Iwanted to please you.Iwanted to show you that I like you.”

“Iknowyou like me. I was being stupid.” Ugh,whyhad he let himself behave like that?

Jeff finally seemed to force his eyes back open, but God, they were still filled with so much sadness. Gary’s heart ached.

“I shouldn’t have been insecure like that,” he continued. “Or, I shouldn’t have made you feel responsible for fixing my insecurity, rather. I’m so sorry, Jeff. Every time I see my family, I end up feeling bad about myself. It hasnothingto do with you. I shouldn’t have laid it on so thick when we came back. I was... God, I’m so stupid.”

“You’re not stupid. You teach calculus.”

Gary flicked Jeff’s knee with his free hand.

“Stop.”

“It’s true, though. You’re not stupid. I told you that I wanted you.”

“And I wanted you too,” Gary said.

“Gare, I want to be able to pleasure you.”

Gary let go of Jeff’s hand and moved to sit beside him. “I love hearing that, but, look, I never want to hurt you. I never want you to feel... whatever it is you felt a couple of minutes ago.”

“I know.”

Jeff managed a small smile, and Gary returned it.

“I like you so much,” Gary said. “And I never want to hurt you.”

“I like you so much, too, radio man,” Jeff said, and then he blinked and looked down at his hands in his lap. “I... I want to be your boyfriend.”

Gary’s heart fluttered with excitement. “Really?”

“Yeah, really. I’vebeenwanting to be your boyfriend, but I wanted to try to move past this bullshit first. But maybe... fuck, maybe I can’t. Maybe I never will.”

“Did you think I wouldn’t want to be your boyfriend if you couldn’t?”

“Not that you wouldn’twantto, but... remember when I told you that you’re perfect? Well, you are. You’re fucking perfect, Gare, and I wanted to be enough for you.”

“You’re enough, Jeffrey. You’re more than enough.”

With a soft sigh, Jeff pulled Gary’s arm around him and leaned back against Gary’s chest. As soon as Jeff seemed settled, he pulled Gary’s other hand around him too.

“Without something to lean against, this is a real test of my ab muscles,” Gary teased, pulling Jeff even closer. “Now, you can kick my teeth in for this if you want, but I’m still going to ask: Is this okay?”

“Yes, Gare,” Jeff said, a tiny bit of bite to his words.

Even though Jeff was trying to sound mad, Gary realized he was probably more embarrassed than angry, and his half-smile told Gary that he wasn’t too upset. Gary nuzzled the side of Jeff’s head with his nose.

“I love when we snuggle like this,” Gary said. “But I want you to know, I love every moment we’re together. Whether we’re touching or not.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

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