Page 92 of Out of the Storm

“Look, if he really was that bad, it’s better that he left, right?” Jeff waited for Gary to respond, but he stayed silent, probably not quite able to believe Jeff’s statement. Maybe if Jeff shared a little about his own shitty excuse for a father, it’d help Gary see that he wasn’t the only one with poisonous roots. God, Jeff would havemuchrather had his father leave than suffer through so much heartache. He cleared his throat and forced out, “I mean, Gare, I’d know.”

After a couple more seconds of silence, Gary said, “What was he like? You’ve mentioned that he was horrible, that you changed your name, that sort of thing, but...” He let out a sound that was some mix between a groan and a sigh. “Sorry, I’m being nosy.”

“It’s okay. I probably should have talked about him sooner. He was—oris—a piece of shit.” Jeff laughed bitterly. “Sorry. I try to think of him in the past tense sometimes.”

“I’m sorry.”

“And it’s hard to try to pick one or two things to say that are horrible when it feels like it’s everything. Just... every bit of him is rotten. Growing up, he was a leech, and he was mean, and he was somehow never ever there when you needed him—even for littlethings, even to, like, hammer a Goddamn nail or something—and yet he was somehow never not making our lives hell.”

“Gosh, Jeff, I—”

“You know, Gare, foryearsI kept falling for men who were practically as shitty as him. Don was probably shittier. Or, yeah, I mean, I never sawthatcoming from him. Not really. I never...” Rage and shame ran through Jeff like lava, spiking his irritation, and he smacked the desk to let out some of that energy. “Anyway, I think my father fucked me up for a long time. Fucked up my mom too. I’m pretty positive he’s the reason she drank herself to death. Looking back, I can’t say I blame her either. I’d have been miserable with him as a husband too. So, yeah, I think we’d have been better off without him.”

As soon as Jeff was finished, he let out a deep breath, and a wave of calm spread through him as though some of his long-held tension left his body.

“Wow. I... I have no idea what to say.”

Gary’s breath shook. Loud enough that Jeff could hear it through the phone. Dammit. Had he been too blunt, too honest? He hated the thought that his own stupid past might have made Gary feel even worse. One more reason he could never tell Gary what happened with Don.

With a trembling voice, Gary said, “I wish... I wish I could have hugged little you, Jeffrey.”

Gary’s sweetness made him smile, but Gary’s uneasy tone, heavy with upset, hurt his heart. It was a silly thought—big Gary hugging little him—but Jeff kind of loved the sentiment.

He had to make Gary feel better somehow.

So, in the most playful voice he could muster, Jeff said, “Well, that’s nice, Gare, but you’d have had to call me Jimmy.”

Immediately, Gary burst out laughing. “Jimmy,” he said through a lively chuckle, one that was making Jeff laugh too. “Jimmy! I can’t believe it!”

Gary continued to laugh. God, he was so fucking cute.

“Okay, okay,” Jeff said. “It’s notthatridiculous. It’s a normal name.”

“Sorry,” Gary said before bursting out laughing some more. “Jimmy. Jim. Jimbo.”

Now Jeff couldn’t stop laughing either.

“Gare, fuck, stop.”

“Jiminy. Jimothy. Jim-Jam.”

“Gare!”

“Okay, I’m finished,” Gary said, clearly trying to compose himself, though his voice was still colored by lingering laughter. “I think I ran out of silly nicknames anyway.”

“Thank you.”

“For stopping because I ran out of nicknames?”

“For being you.”

“Well, thankyoufor reminding me of your old name. I feel so much better now.”

“Anytime,” Jeff replied, his chest warm and tingly from knowing he’d made Gary smile.

Jeff really wished he could hug him.

“Thank you for telling me about your family too,” Gary said.

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