Page 95 of Out of the Storm

“Oh, God, Jeff, I hadn’t meant to—”

“It’s okay, Gare,” Jeff said. “We’ll tape it.”

“What if Dawn sees it and—”

“Hey, she’s the one who bailed.”

“Right.” Gary inhaled a trembling breath. “Right.” He stuffed the letter back into the envelope and ran his fingers over the ink.

Return. To. Sender.

“Why?” he asked, though he knew Jeff wouldn’t have the answer.

“I . . . fuck, I’m so sorry,radio man.”

Gary blinked back a few tears and sniffled. “Thanks. Uh, can you... can you take me to my mom’s house?”

“Don’t you want to sit with this for a while? Digest it?”

“No,” Gary eked out while a couple of tears fell.

Shit. Why was he crying? He wanted to be strong for Jeff. Hehadto be. He couldn’t chance a repeat of the last time Jeff had felt the need to comfort him, to make him feel better. God, the way Jeff had seemed so scared when they’d been intimate...

“I’m okay,” Gary said, forcing his voice not to shake. He wiped the tears from his eyes. Clenching his jaw, Gary squeezed his eyes shut to try to keep more from coming. “I’m fine. But I need to talk to her. Now.”

“Okay, yeah, sure.”

He stuffed the letter back in the hatbox and gathered up the box and the few shirts he’d picked out, and then the two of them headed to the car.

For the entire ride back to Niles, Gary felt like a pressure cooker ready to explode. Not only from sadness. But from anger too. Clearly his mom had not only known where his dad was but also that his dad had tried to communicate with him.At leastonce. Ever since his father had left, the narrative that Gary had been sold byeveryonehad been that his father had no longer cared.

And now... now Gary had to wonder if that was even true.

While Jeff zoomed up the freeway, Gary kept his eyes fixed on the hatbox, his entire body stiff, mouth firmly shut. He might scream or cry or maybe even start hyperventilating if he so much as moved an inch. Luckily, Jeff seemed to take the hint, never even trying for conversation. What a fantastic boyfriend he was. Gary had to hope that he could sort through everything on his own. Even though he felt like he was on the verge of losing the rest of his family, he had to hold it together. Even if his life was crumblingto pieces, he couldn’t let himself fall apart with it. He couldn’t let his relationship with Jeff crumble too.

Finally, after what felt like forever, Jeff pulled up the driveway to Gary’s mom’s house. Gary could see Dawn in the backyard with her kids. What a flake. Moving slow to keep himself from shaking, Gary unclipped his seat belt. He was moving so methodically he probably looked like he was trying to dismantle some kind of bomb rather than exit a vehicle.

When he was free of the seat belt, he turned to Jeff.

“I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you came with me today,” he said, working hard to keep his voice level, though there were still tears in his eyes. “Thank you.”

“Anytime. Do you want me to come in to—”

“No,” Gary interrupted, though his stomach lurched. “No, I-I think I need to do this alone.”

“Okay. But call me if you need a ride back home.”

“Yeah. I will.”

“Do you, uh, want the shirts too?” Jeff asked, thumbing toward the back seat.

“Uhm, maybe later.”

“Yeah, no problem. I’ll bring ’em by.”

Gary reached for the handle.

“Good luck, Gare.”

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