Page 96 of Out of the Storm

With a curt nod, Gary exited the car.

***

One hour later, Gary was walking home in a stupor, still clutching tight to the hatbox in his hands but barely aware of his surroundingsotherwise. He only realized his brain and body must have been on autopilot once he reached his house. Try as he might, he couldn’t seem to remember even two minutes of the entire walk home.

After pulling his keys from his pocket, he checked his watch. Fifteen minutes before showtime. Not enough time to eat. Not enough time to talk to Mel. Not even enough time to flip through the newspaper to pick out topics for the news segment of his show. Oh well.

Once inside, Gary left the hatbox on the love seat in the studio room and then sat in his swivel chair. Staring ahead at the mixer, bits and pieces of the conversation he’d just had with his mother kept flitting through his mind.

“Gare, it was better for both of you that he wasn’t in your lives.”

“But why?!”

“Leave it, hun.”

“No, I want you to tell me why you kept him from me.”

“Heleftus.Don’t you remember?”

“Well, yeah, but... but he tried to reach out to me. And to Dawn, too.”

“So what, Gare? Heleft.”

“But maybe he... maybe he realized that he made a mistake.”

“Mistake?! He left me to raise the two of you. Alone.”

“So, is that why you kept him from me? Out of spite?”

“Of course not.”

“It is! Why’d you return the letter? Why wouldn’t you let me see him?”

“Gare, hun—”

“It wasmychoice to make! What if I wanted him in my life?”

“You were only a teenager!”

“Well, then you couldn’t have told me later? When I was older? You’ve been sitting on this knowledge forthatlong?!”

Gary’s hands found the top of his head, and he closed his eyes to try to protect himself from the pain, but the scene kept playing.

“Gare, I’m your mother and—”

“No, you know what? Not . . . not anymore.”

Gary winced, the sound of the back door slamming echoing in his mind.

All of a sudden, Gary started feeling lightheaded, the edges of reality starting to blur. Gosh, he’d barely been breathing. And hestillcouldn’t breathe, the weight of the confrontation so heavy that he felt as though his body was being crushed.

For the next couple of seconds, Gary strained against the heaviness, trying to force enough air into his lungs, but still, it seemed like no matter how hard he tried, he continued to feel like he was suffocating. All of the emotions he was feeling in that moment—anger, shame, resentment, heartbreak, longing—seemed to be taking up so much space in his chest that there was no longer enough room for oxygen.

He’d lost her. He’d lost his mother.

Sure, it washischoice. But... what kind of choice was it, really? How could he ever see her the same way? How could he evenlove herthe same way? She had lied to him. Over and over and over. She’d kept his father from him. And now...

Now it was too late.

---