Page 78 of Resilience on Canvas

Soon, Joe and Rose left for home. Henry’s shift was almost over. After seeing his friends out, Henry locked up and startedsweeping the floor. It was filthy, especially near the entrance where the topsoil had crept in some. Pushing the broom’s bristles over the tiles, Henry relished the simplicity of the task. Cleaning up was, by far, his favorite part of his shifts. He could switch off his brain and let the repetitive motions of sweeping the floor or scrubbing the counter relax him into a place of tranquility. While in this state of mind, his near constant buzz of nervousness calmed to a low hum, and he could let his thoughts lazily flit from one pleasant memory to the next.

Theswish-swish-swishof the bristles scraping the floor was like a melody to Henry’s ears. He began thinking about Robert and about the time they’d spent together over the last two weeks. Every evening, they had supper together, their knees secretly (or maybe not so secretly) touching beneath the kitchen table, and in the mornings, they tended to the rows of Robert’s crops together, shoveling away the excess topsoil that had blown on top of them and fetching water from the family well. Sometimes, they had a couple of ripened berries or vegetables to pick, and once, they’d harvested enough to sell a basketful in town.

Despite the hardship involved in taking care of Robert’s family, Henry couldn’t help but find happiness in every moment that him and Robert were together. By far, the best hours were the ones in the nighttime. Him and Robert shared a bed. Robert’s bed. Since the twins were in the room, nothing unsavory ever happened, but it was still nice to sleep next to each other. Good God, Henry loved every second of it. He loved it more than he’d have ever thought possible.

Just as Henry was finishing up, someone banged on the window. He looked up to see Robert motioning for him to unlock, his cheeks pink from what might have been either exhaustion or fury, though Henry wasn’t sure which. Either way, he felt a little shiver of excitement roll through him, making him shudder withwant, but only for the briefest moment before he both remembered where they were and realized that Robert’s temper ought not to be something that thrilled him like this. Gosh, there must have been something wrong with him.

After leaning the broom handle up against the wall, Henry came to unlock the door. And the moment Robert yanked it open, he started ranting.

“Goddamn son-of-a-bitch bastard of a car!” he shouted, pushing past Henry.

Henry’s heart sank. “What happened?”

“It won’t start! I went to sell the piece of crap, and it... itdiedon me.” Robert let out a small frustrated scream. “No one will buy it now!”

“Maybe you need to try it a couple more times? Sometimes it takes a few tries before—”

“Iknowthat! It’smyGoddamn car!”

Henry chewed on his lip for a few seconds, trying to think of something else they could try. “Well, uhm, we could see how much the parts are worth? Individually?”

Robert rolled his eyes. “We have one and a half weeks left before the bank kicks us out! We wouldn’t never sell the pieces in time to make enough for everyone’s train fare!”

“Alright, well, we still have the tractor, right?”

“No one wants to buy that thing! Christ, folks werelaughin’at me when I asked some of the people at church! No one wants to spend money on a tractor when nobody’s farmin’ nothin’! Sure, maybe a couple of fortunate bastards still have land that’s producin’ wheat or corn or such, but barely. Not one person in Guymon wants to spend two hundred on a tractor.”

“What if we sell it for less?”

“No one is spendin’ one hundred on it, either.” Robert ran a hand through his hair. “I’d be the luckiest son of a bitch west of the Mississippi if I somehow even sold it for fifty.”

Henry let Robert’s words sink in, and with them, the reality of the situation sank in, too. Goodness, they’d never make it to California now. At least before, they’d had the option of taking the car there, though no one had been too keen on that because of May’s scarred little lungs. Still, it had been a possibility. But now...

Lord, Henry could barely breathe, the weight of reality settling on his chest, pressing him into the earth and tethering him to Guymon, to this godforsaken wasteland where there wasn’t no future for him. Or for Robert. Or for both of them together.

Henry’s eyes filled with tears. Grief bubbled up in his midsection, pushing up a sob.

“Oh, Robert, I’m sorry,” Henry choked out. He shut his eyes to try to contain the tears, but some still escaped, wetting his cheeks.

Before Henry could open his eyes, Robert was wrapping him up in a hug. Henry melted into it, resting his weight on Robert while wishing he had the strength to stand on his own.

“Why’re you sorry, little wolf?” Robert whispered into his ear. “Ain’t yer fault that my car’s a piece of crap. Ain’t yer fault that my pop was such a bastard, neither. Or that the land we live on is blowin’ away. None of it is yer fault, Hen.”

“I can’t think of no way to fix things, though. Remember when we were sittin’ on yer porch together and I promised that I would help you? Well, I haven’t been helpin’. Gosh, the only thing I’ve even tried was enterin’ that contest. And Ilost.” He let out another sob. “Ilost, Robert, and I can’t come up with nothin’ else. I feel like we’re losin’ our future together. And I was so excited for it. I was so Goddamn excited to start a new life with you.”

Both of them were silent for a moment, save for Henry’s soft whimpers and cries, and then Robert let out a long breath.

“Oh, we’re not losin’ that,” Robert whispered. “We’ll think of somethin’.” He planted a kiss on Henry’s head near his temple. “I shouldn’t have come in here rantin’ like that, making it seem like everything was hopeless. I was mad, but I never meant to... to make you think I wasn’t takin’ care of things. We’ll make it to California. I know we will.”

“How?”

Robert stayed quiet. The silence pressed harder on Henry’s chest, coaxing more tears from his eyes. Robert threaded his fingers through Henry’s hair and then took a fistful of it. Gently, he pushed back, forcing Henry to look up at him.

“Just give me some time,” he said. “I’ll buy us those train tickets. I promise.”

Henry nodded once and tried to blink the remaining tears from his eyes.

And even though those last two words kept echoing in his ears, Henry found that he was too scared to believe them.I promise.Those words, they rang hollow.

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