Page 45 of Our Moon
Her family would kill me. They would think I’m taking advantage of her, simply because I’m so much older than she is. I know I’m not taking advantage, she wants this as much as I do. But I’m supposed to be older and more responsible. Her parents trust me for Christ’s sake. Her brothers are my best friends, my brothers.
And the age difference. She wasn’t wrong when she said that ten years from now it wouldn’t matter. If she was twenty-seven and I was thirty-one, no one would care. Butseventeen is the key word here. She can’t even vote yet, buy cigarettes, or play the lottery. Our relationship might not be illegal, but she’s not even considered an adult yet, and I’ve been able to vote for three years.
“Whatcha thinking about?”
I hadn’t realized I’d stopped moving. She’s looking up at me with those gorgeous baby blues, and I sigh. “Nothing, baby girl.”
“Don’t lie to me, Chase,” she takes a step back until she’s out of my arms.
“What are we doing here, Ally?”
She cocks her head to the side. “What do you mean?”
“This,” I say, gesturing between us. “What is this? What do you want it to be?”
Her eyebrows pinch together as she tries to figure me out. “What do you want it to be?”
I sigh in frustration and run my hands through my short hair. “Don’t do that, Al. Don’t answer my question with a question. I’m being serious here.”
“I see that,” she snaps.
I groan, “Don’t get mad now.”
“I’m sorry if I’m too emotional for you,” she huffs. “I thought we were on the same page.”
“We are on the same page.”
“Then why are you asking me this? What’s going on in your head?”
“I don’t know,” I practically growl out, causing her to take a step back. “I’m sorry, baby girl. I’m just freaking out a little bit. This is going to affect our entire lives. You do realize that, don’t you?”
“Of course I realize that!”
Jeez, I’m fucking this all up. She has never yelled at me before.
“What? You think because I’m still a teenager that I’m just a stupid kid? That I don’t understand the consequences of my actions? Well I understand them just fine, Chase. I know that my being with you can turn my family against me, against you, and I can’t care. I just can’t care because I can’t picture my life without you in it right now. I don’t care if I have to hide in a damn closet for the rest of my life. As long as you’re in that closet with me.”
Her cheeks are wet with tears and her eyes are the saddest I’ve ever seen them. I did this. I take a step towards her, but she takes another step back. I frown, “I’m sorry, baby girl. I’m so sorry. I wasn’t questioning what we have.”
“You were,” she interrupted, crossing her arms in front of her in a defensive gesture.
“I wasn’t. I just worry about the future is all. I don’t want your family to be upset with you. They’re your life. I know you’d be devastated if they were upset with you.”
“They’re my family. They may be upset about us being together, but they wouldn’t disown me. I think you’re more worried about you.”
What? This isn’t the direction I wanted this conversation to go in. I just wanted to make sure she knows that it isn’t just us who will be effected by our relationship. Whether they end up unhappy about the arrangement or not, they’d be hurt by us hiding it more than anything. Our dishonesty.
“Ally, baby girl, I’m not worried about me. I’m worried about—”
“Bullshit!” she yelled.
“Damn it, Ally!” I rake my hands through my hair again. “Shut up for a minute!” She glares at me; I’ve never seen her like this before. So angry. She wasn’t even this angry over Blake. I take a cautious step towards her, and again, she takes a step back. I curse under my breath. “Baby girl, why are you running from me?”
“Because you don’t feel for me the way I feel for you,” she cries, and she collapses down onto her bed behind her, folding in on herself. The sight completely breaks my heart.
I sit down beside her and pull her into my lap, despite her struggles and sobs. I kiss her hair and run my hand up her back. “It’s okay, baby girl. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”
“You’re gonna leave me,” her voice is scratchy from the sobs.
