Page 65 of Our Moon
“Anything for you, doll.”
It’s just me, Trevor, and Ally left in the room now. Trevor and I are still standing in the middle of the room, and it’s awkward now that no one is speaking. Ally is still sitting, staring down at the water bottle in her hands.
“Well, I guess I’ll let you two talk,” Trevor finally says. Ally looks up quickly, hopefully surprised that he’s leaving us alone together and not afraid. “Yell if you need me,” he tells her. He gives me a nod and leaves the room.
I’m suddenly so nervous I can’t stay still.
After a minute or so of silence, I sit on the sofa across from Ally. “I’m really sorry, Ally. I didn’t want it to come out like that. I didn’t want it to come out at all. I really meant what I said before, that I figured you’d find your way back eventually either because you remembered or because you felt it again. I really don’t want you to feel pressured or anything. And I sure don’t want you to feel awkward around me either.”
“It’s not your fault, Chase. I asked for this. I knew it might be something prettyepic.” Her voice is completely devoid of feelings.
“What we had was pretty epic,” I say quietly.
She looks up and meets my eyes. I finally see there are tears in hers, and it breaks my heart all over again. “You lied to me, Chase. I straight up asked you if you knew anything about that time, and you lied. I was feeling it. The pull between us. I was feeling it, and you could have just put me out of my misery then. Instead all of this happened,” she raises her hands and gestures to the room, to the events that just unfolded. “And to hear all that,” she continues, shaking her head in apparent disbelief, “about our entire relationship in front of my family? I just don’t know what to do with all this right now. I don’t know. I didn’t expect this. I expected something, but not this.”
And now I know just how bad I fucked up. Real bad.
“I’m sorry. I know I’ve said that a million times, but only because it’s true. I didn’t want to hurt you, Ally. I made some bad choices, thinking they were what was best for you.”
“Yeah, well, I need time to think.” She isn’t making eye contact with me now. She’s looking anywhere but in my eyes. I can feel the recently mended pieces of my heart cracking and falling apart again.
“Of course,” I nod, hopeful because she didn’t completely dismiss me. That’s got to count for something, right? “You know where to find me if you want to talk or whatever. I’m always going to be here for you, baby girl. No matter what happens between us.”
She nods absently as she stares down at the floor. I know I need to leave, and I stand up to do just that, but I’m terrified she’ll never let me this close to her again. Before I can convince myself what a terrible idea it is, I step in front of her and lean forward to quickly kiss her head. Then I turn and leave the room before I can see her reaction to my kiss.
I go up to my apartment and lay back on my bed, staring at the ceiling. I should have told Ally the truth when we spent that first afternoon watching TV together. I should have told her the first time we hung out together, or when we watched the movie, before we kissed. There had been a hundred times when I should have told her about us.
But I didn’t.
And now I have to live with whatever happens next.
Epilogue
Ally
Two and a half years later.
I’ve had a headache ever since I sat down in the auditorium for the ceremony. There’s a sea of white around me. Instead of the traditional cap and gown graduation attire, we’re wearing black pants or skirts with white chef coats, and tall white chef hats. Maybe it’s the blinding white color scheme, in conjunction with the bright lighting. I don’t know, all I know is that the four ibuprofen I popped before joining my class in the reserved seating area are not doing a thing.
There are only about seventy-five people in my graduating class, so the ceremony doesn’t last too long. I can’t see into the audience, but I certainly hear Alex’s whoopsas my name is called, and I walk across the stage. We’ve come a long way, my brothers and I. I haven’t regained any memories since waking up from the coma, but my brothers and friends have filled my life since then with new memories.
Things were rough after the big reveal with Chase and it took some time for Alex to forgive us. It wasn’t until about two months later, when they were getting ready to leave for their second six-month tour, and I was staying behind.
They all look pained to be leaving me behind, even Joey and Evie, but I was adamant about not disrupting my schooling. I even got an apartment closer to the school, so I wouldn’t have to stay in the big house all by myself and have to worry about a commute since I still wasn’t driving. Knowing I’d made a few friends in class, they reluctantly agreed to the arrangement since I wouldn’t be completely alone without them in town.
They all board the bus after hugging me goodbye. Everyone except for Alex, he didn’t even say goodbye. As he walks up the bus steps and begins to disappear around the corner, I feel the walls closing in on me. I haven’t had an anxiety attack in a while, but I still recognize that this feels different. This feels like my heart is being ripped from my chest.
“Alex!” I call out, running to the bus door. Tears are streaming down my face. “Please, d-don’t be mad at me anymore,” I cry. I trip on the asphalt of the parking lot and collapse into myself, sobbing so hard I can’t catch my breath.
Strong arms wrap around me, and I am pulled against his chest. I can sense it is Alex, my other half, twintuition, as he so often calls it. “I’m sorry, Al, I’m so damn sorry.”
I wrap my arms around him and hold him tight, so tight. “I’m sorry I lied to you. I don’t know why I did it, but I’m so sorry.” He pulls back and lifts my face up to his. I cry harder seeing the matching tears on his face.
“Don’t be sorry. I’m the one who’s sorry; I was hurt, and I was acting like a jerk. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. You didn’t know.”
I rest my head on his chest, “I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you, too.”
