Page 14 of Tell Me Again
“Men are the root of all problems,” Jenny offered, dipping a carrot into the hummus.
“Why do you get to eat and I don’t?”
Jenny pointed a carrot at her. “Keep talking and you’ll earn your veggies.”
Sam dug her fingernails into her palms as the memories evoked emotions she would have rather left in her past. “Bryce hated when I spent time with Trevor on my own. At first, I thought it was because she wanted a boyfriend, but it had more to do with her possessiveness of me. In high school she hung out with a wild crowd. The only way I could stop her was to give her all of my attention. I was worried about her, and I resented it. Even Mom noticed the changes.”
“Did she step in?” Chloe asked.
Sam shook her head. “Only to lecture me on my responsibility to my sister. Bryce wasn’t spoiled, but she knew how to work Mom.” Her jaw clenched. “And me and apparently Trevor, too. She worked all of us. We were sophomores when the modeling agent from Tulsa scouted us in a mall outside of town.” She gave a sad laugh. “If we hadn’t been there that day, who knows what would have happened?”
“You’re kidding, right?” Jenny dipped another carrot. “Have you looked in the mirror lately? If it wasn’t the mall, it would have been the grocery store or the gas station or walking down the street.”
Sam had heard similar comments, but when she looked in the mirror she saw the person she was—or had been—on the inside. Only the mistakes she’d made in life stared back at her.
Her friends had become her family, and they were lovely. Jenny was a tiny bundle of energy with cascading red wavy hair, an upturned nose, and big hazel eyes. Chloe’s dark curls were the perfect complement to her milky skin, and Kendall was the quintessential girl next door with her shiny hair and dewy complexion. But what made each of them truly beautiful were their unique spirits. Even at the top of her game, Sam had wanted to be more than a pretty face. For years, she’d let guilt and circumstance rob her of that.
“You and Bryce got into modeling together?” Kendall took a sip of water as Sam wrapped her fingers around her mug of green tea.
“We started in fashion shows around the area. Bryce hated it from the beginning and skipped out on several bookings. Trevor was the one who’d drive over to Tulsa or down to Oklahoma City with me. Within six months a New York agency came calling. Peter Colefield has been my agent since the beginning. He booked us for jobs in Europe the summer between junior and senior year, which is how a lot of models get their start. Bryce wanted to turn down the work and hang by the pool all summer.” A wistful smile crossed her lips at the memory. “She hated to fly, and big cities made her nervous, but I convinced her to say yes.”
Chloe frowned. “You were how old?”
“Seventeen.”
“Did your mom go with you?”
Sam shook her head. “We were supposed to have a chaperone, but no one was really looking out for us. It was scary and lonely, and I was determined to make it work. Modeling was our ticket out of Oklahoma.” She paused, took a breath. “Both of us. That was the plan.”
“What happened?” Jenny asked.
“The fashion industry is a fast crowd. There were parties, older guys, other girls who were into pills and alcohol. Bryce went a little crazy and got mad when I tried to rein her in.” She blew out a breath. “She quit midway through the summer and came back home.”
“Without you?”
“I stayed in Paris,” Sam said with a nod, “but returned for the beginning of the school year.”
“And Trevor?”
“Bryce told him I had a boyfriend in Milan,” Sam said softly. “He was angry, but I convinced him she’d been lying. We got back together, but something had changed between us. Around Christmas, I got a call for a spread in ItalianVogue. It meant leaving school, but I’d just turned eighteen, I hated Colby, and my mom was all for it. She liked the money that came from me working.”
Kendall reached forward and placed her hand over Sam’s. “You realize that’s not what mothers are supposed to do?” Sam knew that even though Kendall had grown up without money, her parents loved and supported their only daughter as best they could.
Sam tried to smile, but her lips refused to move. “I wanted Bryce to go with me, but Peter refused to book her, and Bryce didn’t want to talk to any other agencies. She said modeling sucked the soul out of her and it would kill me if I stayed with it. It was like I was breaking our sacred bond. We were two people but it was like we shared one identity. That changed when I left.”
“I think your sister had some wicked demons that had nothing to do with you,” Jenny offered. She pushed the plate of vegetables and hummus toward Sam. “You’ve earned some rabbit food.”
Sam shook her head. The retelling of the story had stolen her appetite, her stomach filled with shame and regret. “Bryce became irrational and hysterical as I got ready to leave. Most of our lives it was hard to tell where one of us stopped and the other began. There were no boundaries, and suddenly I was abandoning her. We fought like crazy, and then Trevor asked me to stay through the school year.”
“But you didn’t wait,” Chloe guessed.
“I was too afraid to miss my chance and terrified Bryce would suck me into her life and the choices she was making.” She pressed a hand to her chest, surprised to find her heart beating out of control. After all this time, revisiting that break with her twin left her panicked. “There’s a theory about twins that the one born first is the dominant sibling. I don’t know if it’s true for all twins, but it was for Bryce and me. That was the first time in my life I didn’t cave to her will, and she never forgave me for it.”
Kendall waved away the waiter who approached their table. “What about Trevor?”
“I asked him to come, but he pushed me away. Cut off all ties. I hadn’t seen him again until this weekend.” She tucked her hair behind her ears. “Mom died of a heart attack six months after I left. Bryce and I had another huge blowout at her funeral. We never reconciled, and then two years later, she killed herself. Trevor didn’t come to the service. Now I know it’s because he had a baby.”
“Now you have another chance,” Chloe said. “That girl found you for a reason. She needs you in her life.”
