Page 67 of The Wish List
“Maybe they were out of sex toys online.”
“What in the hell are you talking about?” he demanded.
How could she explain something to him that she didn’t understand? She’d never had someone treat her like she was special, and it was hard to know how to accept his kindness without feeling too vulnerable. “I don’t know why you’d bring me Christmas decorations in the first place if...”
“Because I thought they would make you happy.”
Wasn’t that just a punch to the heart? “They do make me happy, but it’s like having sex with you.”
“You’re comparing sex to a Christmas tree?” He looked even more baffled, not that she could blame him.
“It’s not only the tree that makes me happy, although it’s lovely. It’s the fact that you brought it to me. And you’re here now. But I refuse to open up to you and not have you trust me in return. It goes both ways, Declan.”
“Sometimes, it’s just a tree.”
She hitched a thumb at the tiny, perfect symbol of Christmas given pride of place on her entry table. “Is that what this is?”
He stared at the tree as if searching for answers, then switched his heated gaze to Beth. “Shauna and Flynn have...or at least had a relationship. But it’s...” He ran a hand over his jaw. “Flynn is complicated. For the record, he makes me look like a ray of sunshine.”
A snort escaped Beth’s mouth before she could stop it.
“Exactly.” Declan nodded. “Flynn met Shauna when I was in foster care with her. I’m not sure if you could call it love at first sight, I’d never experienced anything like their connection. I don’t think any of us knew what to do about it. He certainly didn’t and...”
His eyes took on a grim cast. “The place we were in wasn’t good. Our foster mom and dad tried, but their college-age daughter had a new live-in boyfriend child protective services didn’t know about. The boyfriend came after Shauna, and I tried to intervene. I was still scrawny and used to my older brother fighting my battles. I wasn’t as strong as I should have been. So it was Shauna who stepped in to save me. If she hadn’t, the guy likely would have beaten me to death. She...”
He shook his head like he couldn’t say the words. A sour pit opened in Beth’s stomach, and it felt like her head was stuffed with cotton. She could hear the song in the background. “White Christmas” by Bing Crosby.
She’d never hear that song again without feeling nauseous. She stepped forward and took Declan’s hand. She was so used to the heat of his touch. His cold fingers shocked her.
She wrapped one of his big hands in both of hers. “I’m sorry. You don’t have to tell me more.”
Declan lowered himself to the ottoman that was right behind him like he was afraid his legs might give out. “Flynn burst in before it was over,” he said, his voice devoid of all emotion. “He would have killed the guy if our foster parents hadn’t arrived home at that time. Somehow they managed to get him away from the boyfriend. Or maybe Shauna did. It’s all a blur. The foster dad was a bailiff at the local courthouse, and he called the judge he worked for that night before he called the cops. The daughter’s boyfriend was taken away in an ambulance. I don’t know what happened to him. If Shauna does, she’s never talked about it. But Flynn was given a choice—an arrest or the army. He enlisted the next morning. I was in bad shape, so I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye. A few months later, I got a letter from him saying it was better that way. For all of us.”
Beth stepped between his legs and hugged his broad, stiff shoulders. “Was that the last time you saw your brother?”
Declan let out a humorless laugh. “No. Every couple of years, he shows up. I don’t know how he tracks me down. I haven’t had a permanent address beyond a PO box in nearly a decade. He only came back for Shauna that one time.”
He shook his head. “One time was enough for those two.”
“Why did she keep it from him?”
“It isn’t my story to tell, but something happened when they were together.” His eyes were so stark, it took her breath away. “I can guess what it was, but she won’t talk about it. All I know is she was well and truly broken after he left. Then she found out she was pregnant and pulled herself together. She didn’t want him to know.”
“He was able to find you so easily...”
“She put some measures into place to fly under the radar. I don’t think she has reason to believe he’ll come looking for her. It’s hard to say with Flynn. I don’t think he would have stuck around even if he had known. Neither one of us is cut out for long-term or white picket fences or any of that crap.”
Beth traced a finger over his brow, wanting to gentle the lines that bracketed his eyes. He’d brought her happiness tonight, and she wanted to give him peace.
“You don’t give yourself enough credit, Declan Murphy. You could do anything you set your mind to, including making a home.”
He shook his head even as he buried his face into the front of her pajama top. “I wish that were true, Beth.” He pulled back. “I have a question for you.”
She swallowed. “I’ll answer anything at this point.”
“When your dope of an ex was here, he called you Elizabeth who’s not Elizabeth. What kind of jacked-up nickname is that?”
Of all the things he could have asked her, Beth wished it wasn’t that simple question. One more petty weakness to reveal to him.
