Page 77 of The Wish List
“I can’t,” Beth stammered. She tugged her hand away from Freya’s grasp because she felt her world tilting on its axis and she needed to be alone for the fall. She would not take down her sister with her. This could not be happening. “I have commitments here and...”
May’s smile was understanding. “I talked to Greg this morning. He talk to your boss.”
“Excuse me?”
“You have time off. Personal hours in the bank,” May said. “I take you with me. We spend time and you there if I need help.”
“Mom, slow down.” Freya’s voice had taken on a flustered edge. “Beth can’t go with you on tour. You know that—”
“Family is most important,” May said, patting her chest. “I had lots of time to think. I want to be closer to my girls. We are family.”
Right. A family where May was most important.
“We have Christmas at home,” May told them. “I like Christmas now the way I should have when you were kids. We can make up for lost time, and after Freya will stay with Trinity to help. Beth come with me. We are family,” she said again.
“I can handle things on my own,” Trinity offered. “Thomas is an easy baby. If Freya has to go back—”
“Trinny, you sweet mama.” May’s gaze softened as she smiled at the baby her youngest daughter held. “Babies are hard. I know. I needed help and didn’t have any. You have your sisters.”
Beth wasn’t sure what to say. Was she an ungrateful horrible daughter for wishing for the version of her mother who had been so docile and nearly nonverbal? This should be a happy moment.
“Tell her about Nashville,” Freya said under her breath.
Beth couldn’t speak. It was as if history and the familiar weight of responsibility robbed her of her voice. She glanced past her mom to the window, which was now being pelted with icy raindrops. The perfect weather accompaniment to her mood.
Why had she ever thought it could be different? She didn’t know how to deny her mom anything.
“I’m so happy you’re coming home,” she said to May, which was at least the truth. Then she pushed back from the table. “I need to go. I’ll see you later.”
“We have more to discuss,” Jennifer called even as Beth took a step toward the door.
She couldn’t make eye contact with either of her sisters. They must be so disappointed in her. The oldest child who had no ability to stand up for herself or show any sort of a backbone. Unsure of where she was even going, she hurried out the door despite hearing her mom call her name.
Her body felt like it was both frozen and burning as she drove away from the rehab center. Her breath came out in ragged puffs and she gripped the steering wheel like it was the only thing tethering her to the present moment.
She should have known not to grasp for a future that she controlled. Beth couldn’t remember a moment when she’d done something for herself that had turned out right.
Other than being with Declan.
It was still hard to believe he found her appealing, with her uptight personality and complicated history and family. For a man who professed to want simple and straightforward, she was anything but either of those.
Yet he’d brought her Christmas decorations and made her feel things—want things—she thought she’d given up with the demise of her marriage.
Things she’d never expected from her ex-husband, like respect and the feeling of being cherished. Wanted for who she was instead of who she pretended to be.
At the intersection to turn right to her house, she took a left instead. Within a few minutes, she was parking in front of Champions downtown. The rain had stopped, and even the bar was decorated for the holidays with kitschy golden garland draped around the windows and a bedazzled wreath encircling the bar’s illuminated sign.
It was early afternoon, and she didn’t know if Declan would be inside. He’d told her he was finishing up some renovations at the bar in addition to completing a few of Shauna’s simpler painting jobs.
The single mom would be cleared to walk in a boot just after the New Year. Declan would no doubt leave at that point, just like Beth had expected to be going as well. Maybe that was why she felt comfortable getting close to him. Their relationship, or however he thought of it, had a built-in end date.
They were more than friends with benefits, at least to her. In fact, she’d never allowed herself to fall so hard, so quickly. While it would hurt to her core when they separated, it was for the best.
Declan could talk all he wanted about not being the kind of man who settled down or made commitments. There was a family guy inside him waiting to emerge, and Beth could never give him what she knew he’d eventually want.
Still, she walked into Champions, hoping to see him. His solid presence had the ability to transcend her fears and doubts. He allowed her to just be.
As soon as her gaze caught on his tall, broad-shouldered form behind the bar, her breathing seemed to calm. He straightened and turned, immediately moving toward her. He wore black jeans, boots and a gray Henley, looking intimidating and wild. To Beth, he was a safe harbor in the maelstrom of her emotions.
