Page 2 of Fallen Starboy

I couldn’t let her suffer in life because of me.

She deserved the best. And this was the only way she’d ever get it.

With a sob that tore my heart in two, I kissed her soft forehead, covered her up with the blanket, and laid her basket on the stoop. I pulled a letter I’d prepared out of my coat pocket and tucked it in beside her, already hating myself for what I was about to do.

But I couldn’t let them have her.

Once Jun claimed her as his own, they wouldn’t dare touch her.

Right?

Thishadto keep her safe.

It had to.I could suffer all the pain, as long as it was for her.

My hand shook as I reached for the doorbell I’d rang so many times before when I snuck into their dorms after curfew to hang out with Jun and the others. The tone sounded hollow as I quickly snuck around the corner and hid behind a garbage bin, watching from just far enough away to make sure someone answered and took her in.

When the door opened, bathing her in the light from inside, the tears started to fall, even as I reassured myself I’d done the right thing. It was Minseo who answered, his face scrunched up in concern as he found the basket on the step and leaned down to pick it up.

I couldn’t linger any longer. It would increase the risk of being discovered. But I had to know they accepted her. I had to see her off safely. I would accept the risk to myself, as long as I could have this last moment in time to comfort me for the rest of my life.

“Hey,” a voice shouted from inside the dorms, “what’s up, Minseo? Did the delivery order show up yet?”

I watched as Jun appeared in the doorway behind Minseo, who’d sat down on the steps now, his hands hovering on the handle of the basket. His eyes found his bandmate, and then thebasket, and as he fell to his knees, I realized I hadn’t stopped to think about how this would hurt him.

Would he want her after all this time?

Or would the sins of the mother be a stain on her future with him? Would he be unable to look at her without thinking of me? Would he take that out on her?

“Is that . . . ?”

Minseo nodded, lifting her from the basket, the letter fluttering to the ground as he dislodged it. “Looks like a baby to me, bro.”

Jun stared at her for a moment, then knelt to pick up the letter I’d written for him. The only thing he’d need to know once I’d disappeared into the dark night, and from his life, forever.

Keep her safe. Love her every day. Give her everything I never could.

Let her be your new Forever Star.

I’m sorry.

The three lines were enough, but guilt had me adding the rest. I wanted him to be sure she was his, that this wasn’t a joke. I needed him to understand how important she was.

For a moment, the world stopped as his eyes scanned the page in his hands. Then, ever so slowly, he looked at that baby in his buddy’s arms, then scanned the area around their door, as if he’d see me if he looked hard enough.

“Arista?” When I didn’t reply, he shouted louder. “Arista! I know you’re out there. Don’t be a coward!”

The loud noise woke the baby, who immediately started to kick and fuss, drawing his attention. I felt the heaviness in mychest as my body responded to her by instinct, wanting to soothe her as only a mother could.

He’ll be your mother and your father now. He’ll make sure you’re taken care of.

Jun would be a good dad. When he reached down and took her from Minseo’s arms, it only reinforced the knowledge. He held her like a little doll made of porcelain, like she was a treasure and he was afraid to break her.

“She’s in your hands now,” I whispered to him, wiping away the last of my tears as they disappeared into the house, closing the door behind them, the basket abandoned on the porch, along with any hope I had of ever loving anyone again. “Be good to her, Jun.”

And so began my new life as I prepared the story I’d tell my parents when I returned home, nursing a hole the size of the moon in my heart, and lacking the recommendation I’d hoped to gain from my time in the industry.

Time would heal all wounds. But the scars remained forever.

---