Page 23 of Fallen Starboy

Mydaughter.

Her hand seared my skin beneath the fabric where she touched me, sending a thrill through me that resonated in every inch of my being. As if remembering how it felt to be inside her,my cock twitched insistently, throbbing as it stiffened behind the zipper of these too-tight pants.

I couldn’t let her find out she still affected me like this. I didn’twanther to affect me like this. Ihatedher, and I wanted her to feel that hate every second of the time she was forced to spend with me.

So why was I suddenly imagining how beautiful she’d look bent over the table as I railed her from behind?

My cock twitched again, and I closed my eyes momentarily, humming the Korean national anthem under my breath, anything to calm my racing heart, my boiling blood, to keep the filthy thoughts of her at bay.

Those thoughts would not be happening, not now, not ever. Not if I had anything to say about it.

Two fiery eyes lifted to meet mine in a battle of wills. “I’m not the naïve girl I used to be, either, Jun,” she spat at me, her nose crinkling in distaste. “Now back the fuck up and let me go. Or do you treat all your assistants like this?”

I shoved away from the wall with a barely-contained growl. Howdareshe act like I was the unreasonable one? The audacity?—

“Don’t worry about Yejin anymore,” I snarled, crossing my arms as I gave her the cold shoulder. “Push up my interviews with the caretaker company to tomorrow morning. I’ll make sure you don’t need to be a stand-in babysitter anymore, since you’re so bad at it.”

“Bad at it?” The indelicate snort that left her was so unladylike, so familiar, so reminiscent of how she used to react when the guys in the group got on her nerves. “Hmph. As if you’d know. When was the last time you took time out of your busy idol schedule to spend a whole day with her?”

Those words cut like a knife between the shoulder blades. My blood ran cold. “You have a lot of nerve, saying that to me.”

The silence in the room was thicker than a dense fog at dawn in the fall. It wrapped its chilled fingers around me and strangled the soul from my body. The idea that I’d neglected Yejin in any way, even by accident, while I struggled every day to give her the kind of life she deserved, was heart-rending.

But I didn’t want to let her know she’d wounded me. If anyone should hurt, it should be the person who left. It should beher.

“At least I stayed. At least I tried. I didn’t leave her on a porch stoop, ring the doorbell, and run the fuck away like a coward.”

She didn’t say a word to me as she strode past me, her back ramrod straight as she marched up the stairs and shut her door behind her. All the pleasure I’d taken in hurting her like she’d hurt me fled my body as she disappeared from view.

Had I gone too far?

No. No, she knew what she was asking for, accepting this job. I wouldn’t hold back or play nice just to keep from hurting someone who’d hurt me so deeply. Who’d cut out my heart and served it back to me on a platter, the blade still stuck in the center of it.

She deserved every last cutting moment of pain that was a result of her own actions.

Fuck Arista. Fuck her feelings. She was a coward and a bitch, heartless and cold, and I’d do well to remember that.

Hours later, after I’d showered, made a quick meal, and responded to a few emails, I sat at the edge of Yejin’s bed witha book in hand, feeling like ten kinds of the worst dad in the history of ever as she told me about her day.

“After we had breakfast, Miss Arista took me to the zoo. I got to see all kinds of animals I’ve never seen before, Daddy. There was a big blue parrot who made fun of some crying boy, but Miss Arista told me the bird didn’t understand right from wrong. The boy’s mom took him away, gave him a balloon to make him feel better, and dried his tears.” She paused for a minute, cocking her head to the side like she always did when she was trying to think of how to phrase something. “Why don’t I have a mom, Daddy? Will I ever have one?”

I closed the princess book in my hands and stared down at my lap, wishing I had thought about this answer sooner. She’d asked me about her mother before, but I always just told her she was gone. I never thought I’d have to explain beyond that. Selfishly, I thought she’d drop it like she did whenever I answered one of her questions.

Of course, this would be the one thing she couldn’t let go.

“Your mom,” I started, the words dying in my throat. “Ahem.” I cleared my throat and tried again, hoping the words would magically make sense. That they’d just come out of me without even trying.

But I had nothing. Nothing that would satisfy my daughter, anyhow.

“You’re not the only girl who doesn’t have a mom, Yejin,” I said instead, hoping a different direction would help divert her attention. “Plenty of kids only have one parent. There’s lots of reasons, too.”

“My friend Yoo-ra back home doesn’t have a dad. He died in a car accident.” She frowned, staring down at her lap. “Did my mom die?”

Telling her that would be easy. It would give me an exit, an easy solution. But I couldn’t bear to see my daughter hurt likethat. “She didn’t die, no,” I found myself muttering as my eyes trailed to the door. “She had some very important things to take care of, so she gave you to me.”

It was more generous than Arista deserved. It might’ve been better had I told her she was dead. Then there wouldn’t be more questions later, when the answer I gave wasn’t enough anymore.

“Will I ever meet her?”

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