Page 61 of Wildest Forever

“No ex.”

His brows furrow tightly.

“No ex?” and he looks confused.

“No,” I shake my head from side to side.

He pauses.

“I've never been in a relationship with anyone... so no boyfriends,” I whisper because for some reason I feel ashamed of the words I speak.

Pacey sits a little taller in his chair, his eyes widening ever so slightly before they soften on mine.

“Never?” he repeats, and I am not sure if it is just a reaction but I find myself nodding, but his lips turn into a smile. “So I’ll be all your firsts then…” he trails off when my eyes widen slightly, “hypothetically obviously?” he teases the words and butterflies flutter inside of me.

“Hypothetically… yes.” My cheeks turn pink. “I just never seemed to find someone I liked enough to want to have them as a boyfriend... I was so busy with this place that dating was just not on the cards for me. Sure, I liked a little flirt down at Randy's but that's as far as it went. I knew I would find someone eventually, but I wasn't really looking I suppose...” I pause and lick my lips, “but then you came along.”

A hint of a smile dusts across my lips.

“Like a wrecking ball,” he winks, and my cheeks burn a little warmer.

“The same could be said about me,” I sigh, crossing one of my legs over the other.

He shakes his head.

“Believe it or not...” he trails off for a moment and lowers himself, leaning forward so his top half is over the back of the chair slightly, his lips pursing and I find myself placing my elbows on the wooden table, leaning myself in, hanging on hiswords.“You were the sunshine I had been so desperately craving in the darkest time of my life...” he pauses, and his words floor me.“Sure, this isn't conventional, but here we are. This wasn't in my own plan, but after the last few months I have had... well, you were like a breath of fresh air,” his truths seep out of him, and I find my heart weeping inside my chest.

In these five minutes he has shown me a slice of vulnerability and I am forever grateful.

“I will answer everything you want to know, I know our name leaves a bad taste in some of the towns mouths, but I promise, it'll be fabricated. You had every right to be cautious and keep me at arm’s length, but I am asking you to trust me. Asking you to talk to me if you want to... I'll answer everything truthfully.”

I find myself swallowing, a lump so present in the column of my throat that I can't even get the words to pass if I wanted to. My lips part then close, but my eyes burn into his and after what feels like hours, he breaks away.

“You don't have to say anything. I am just laying my truths out to you, laying my soul bare for you to see. But my heart,” he sits back, placing his hand over his chest and I imagine his heart is beating steadily beneath his palm. “I can't show you that yet. It's battered and bruised, and I don't know if it is capable of beating for another girl. But I want to try... I just need you to be patient with me. Because honestly, Sunflower, I can see this between us blossoming into something beautiful.”

My sharp intake of breath catches at the back of my throat and all I can do is nod, my insides tingling, my fingertips numb.

He gives me a slow smile before he stands up and walks over to me, looking down at me and I feel the way my heart stutters in my chest.

“But right now, we need to focus on the here and now, your pops, the ranch, the suits...” he cups my cheek, his callous thumbpad brushing against the softness of my skin. “We need to focus on our future... but we can't do that until all of this is sorted.”

I nod but then find myself leaning into his palm and a warmth radiates through my chest.

He steps back before he turns and walks out of the room, and I am left sitting with feelings I can't decipher.

Sighing, I slump back against the chair and let his words repeat over me.

He wanted to give this a shot.

But I just couldn't see this working out.

He has demons.

I have my own issues.

I have no idea how to be around someone like him.

How can I be his wife when I don't even know how to be a girlfriend.

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