Page 64 of Wildest Forever

My mind is filled with the day of Clay's funeral. It was a stupid idea to think that nothing was going to happen.

We were the gasoline to an already out of control fire, yet we didn't stop.

The screams still haunt me.

Myscreams still haunt me.

I was so consumed with making sure my brothers were okay that when I saw Harlow fall to the floor, I took my eye off them for a split second and that's when the bullet seared into my skin, sinking into my stomach and I swear I thought I was going to die next to Harlow.

I remember when I looked around, Austin was on his knees. Tripp was on the floor, leg crushed by his dead horse.

I screamed for my dad.

In that moment, I was transported back to being just a boy who needed his dad. I remember watching through tear filled eyes as he had to decide between me or Tripp.

Dixie switched out with my dad, cradling my brother’s head as my dad rushed over to me and did all he could to help.

I swear I saw my life flash before my eyes, the piercing ringing in my ears was deafening and anything my dad was saying was silent.

I couldn't focus on anything but the sound of my heart racing in my chest, pounding against my ribcage.

Fear was not something that ever paralysed me, but on that day, I was trapped in a body and I couldn’t do anything about it.

It felt like hours had passed when in fact it was seconds before I blacked out.

Next thing I knew, I was in hospital, bandage wrapped around my torso then told all over again that Harlow had died, Tripp had sustained injuries and the men that murdered our friend in broad daylight got away.

I always vowed I would hunt them down and torture them.

But that revenge plan soon settled down, and I put my energy into fixing myself back up.

I'm getting there, I know I am.

Some nights I fall into a peaceful slumber and for those hours, my mind is quiet, and I don't dream.Others, I am waking in sweat, heart thrashing, throat dry waking up from a nightmare.

It's always the same.

Back at the funeral.

But everyone dies.

And just when the gun is lifted and locked on me, they shoot, the bullet hits my skin and just as the searing pain rots through my skin, I wake up.

It doesn't matter how much I try and keep a positive mind, the dreams still come and they haunt me. I am just praying that one day they'll stop and I can move on from that part of my life, but not forgetting a single detail.

My chest vibrates as I exhale a heavy breath and then I feel the ache radiate through it.Turning on my side, my eyes pin to the door and I am silently willing for her to walk past.

No idea why.

I know there could be something between us, but I don't know if I can let myself fall.

I know I shouldn't compare her to Aspen, but I do.

And it's so fucking annoying because I don't feel for Aspen in that way at all.

She was another piece of my life from the past, but maybe it's because I haven't found anyone like her.

Then again, she still broke my heart the same time she broke Riggs'.

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