Page 77 of Wildest Forever

She gives him a nod and then his eyes find mine.

Secret words are exchanged, and I give him a soft nod, turning her into me as I walk her out of the room. We move down the stairs slowly, her breath shudders on her soft intake of breath and all I want to do is wrap her up in my arms and never let her go.

Leading her to the living room, I sit her down on the sofa and her eyes drift to his chair before she is crying into her hands again.

I stay with her for a moment, just watching her and I know I need to let Dusty know that Gerry has passed away.

“Oh my god,” her voice cracks as she looks at me. “I forgot to get your horse,” her bottom lip trembles, her chin wobbling and I am on my knees in front of her, cupping her face as I brush my thumb across her cheek and catch the tears.

“Don't you worry about Chase, I'll sort that out later,” I give her a soft nod and she just bobs her head up and downcontinuously.“Do you want tea?” I ask her and she just sighs, letting her eyes drift over to her pops’ chair and my chest caves.

Pushing to my feet, I roll my lips and walk out of the room and into the small kitchen where I fill up the kettle and pop it on the cooker top, turning on the gas and letting it heat.

Slipping my phone from my pocket, I ring my ma.

She answers before it has a chance to ring.

“Pacey? Are you okay?” and I can hear the concern in her voice. I wouldn’t normally call her during the day.

“I'm okay,” I say, fingers tightening around the phone as I look over my shoulder and towards where Morgan is sitting. “I just wanted to let you know that Gerry has passed away.”

The line goes silent, I swallow down the lump and nod my head as if she is in front of me and I feel my own tears pricking my eyes.

I hardly knew this man yet the grief that consumes me is heavy. But maybe it's because I am still dealing with the loss of my own father.

Grief comes in waves.

In ebbs and flows.

You don't just switch your emotions off.

Just some days are better than others.

“I am so sorry,” my mom says, and I twist my lips. “Please pass on my condolences to Morgan and let her know that we're all here for her if she needs us.”

“Thanks ma,” I say, “love you.” I cut the phone off and slip it back into my pocket just as the kettle whistles.

Picking a herbal tea, I pop it in her mug and then fill it with boiling water before giving it a gentle stir. Rummaging through the cupboards, I grab the honey and drizzle it into the chamomile tea.

I give it another stir and then hook the tea bag string around the handle and then walk into the living room, placing the mug down on the side table so she can reach it if she wants it.

Pacing back into the hallway, my eyes dart up the stairs and I am in two minds whether I should go and see Carlos or go and break the news to Dusty.

I didn't want Carlos coming downstairs and then having to speak to Morgan whilst I am not here, but at the same time, Dusty deserves to know too.

My boots walk into the living room, and I am staring at her.

“Where would Dusty be, babe?” the pet name slips off the tongue and I find myself swallowing the words around the lump.

She slowly turns her head to face me, eyes red rimmed and full of fresh tears and she looks fucking heartbroken.

“Stables maybe?” she whispers. “Or the field with the calves...” her face screws up as an onslaught of tears roll down her cheeks.

I give a soft nod and step back out of the room and pace.

I hear the sound of tires crunching on the gravel and my heart bottoms out. The blacked-out van rolls to a halt and two men dressed smartly step out and make their way into the house, a bob of their heads as they pass me, grimace smudged all over their faces.

They hover by the bottom step, and I give a delicate chin lift and they disappear upstairs.

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