Page 83 of Wildest Forever

Walking towards the stable, I grab Barley and climb onto her back, kicking her on and towards where Dusty will be.

I am trying to stay positive, but I just don't feel like my heart is in it anymore. I have no idea what I want to do with my life.

Reality sinks in that this is my life.

I am a cowgirl.

That was my path.

To run the ranch for my pops.

That's my destiny.

To keep the ranch turning over, keep our land safe.

Whether I wanted it or not... it wasn't an option.

I made a promise.

I wasn't about to break it now.

Dusty is sitting at the bottom of the field just staring at the cows as they graze. We really needed to move them along, plus the calves were being sold in the next month, then it's time to get ready for the cycle to start again.

Aspen had planned a night out Friday to Randy's and as much as I didn't want to go, I think we all needed it. They've been amazing, been here whenever I have needed them.

I couldn't have asked for better people to surround myself with.

The whole gang is going minus Dixie; Lainey hadn't been sleeping well apparently, going through some kind of sleep regression. Orla did offer to watch her, but Dixie refused. Said she just wanted a soak in the bath and an early night. Tripp said he would stay back and look after Lainey whilst she rested but Dixie told him he needed a few hours out.

I did mention it to James and Amora, I have no idea if they'll take me up on my offer, but I thought it would be nice for them.

Riggs is working with Pacey in getting the Boot back built up after Riggs bought the land.

That was their hang out.

I had only been there a few times, but I preferred Randy's.

It's what I knew.

Me and pops would always pop in on a Friday night, have a root beer float and he would have a beer.

Sometimes we would have dinner if he was too tired, others it was just a couple of drinks.

It feels a little tarnished now, but I still enjoy going. It holds good memories, and that's all I am trying to hold onto right now.

The good.

My heart has been obliterated inside my chest, and I fear it'll never be pieced back together again.

I am hollow.

The only light I find is Pacey, and I'm terrified he will leave me too.

Walking through the door just past five, I see Pacey's boots and my heart flutters. Kicking my own boots off, I lift my hat and hang it on the stand before walking into the kitchen and expecting to see him sitting there, but he is nowhere to be seen.

“Pacey?” I call out, looking up the stairs when I hear the sound of the floorboards creaking above me.

Smiling, I foot the bottom step and make my way upstairs cautiously and round the newel post as I walk down towards his room, his voice becoming louder.

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