Page 181 of Glass Jawed
And suddenly I’m crying harder. Not just for myself—but for her.
The girl who had no idea what was happening. The girl who walked to the park that night like a ghost, wondering if she was ever anything more than a body to be used.
The girl who thought she had no choice. No voice. No worth.
I cry forher—for the pain she carried and the trust she misplaced.
For the way she gave her heart and body so freely and was left wondering what parts of her were evenrealanymore.
I cry until the world starts spinning.
The air thins.
The memory of that night floods back—the panic, the confusion, the devastation in his face when his words finally tore us apart.
“This is what I felt.”
I can’t breathe.
OhGod, I can’t—
“No, no,no, baby. Please—pleaseno,” I hear him whisper frantically.
Then his arms are around me. I don’t know how or when, but I’m suddenly on his lap, curled into him like I’ve been here all along.
He’s rocking me, holding me like I might disappear if he loosens his grip even slightly.
He whispers through his own tears, over and over, like a prayer:
“...so sorry, baby. I’m so fucking sorry.”
“Breathe with me. C’mon, just... breathe.”
I can’t even tell if my henna’s smeared.
If the lemon and oil mixture is soaking through our clothes.
If he’s holding me too tightly or not tightly enough.
Through the haze, his voice finally starts to come into focus.
“I love you. I’m sorry. I love youso fucking much. Please don’t go. Please,please. I’m sorry.”
I don’t know where he thinks I’m going.
All I know is—I’m here. In his arms. And the panic, the weight of it, begins to lift. Just a little.
My breathing evens out slowly. I become aware of his hands—one stroking my back, the other threaded gently in my hair. His lips keep brushing my temple, his words still coming, stillbreaking, still full oflove.
When I finally settle, his arms start to loosen, thinking I might want to pull away. But I don’t. I hold on tighter. Tighter than before.
And he understands.
He presses a kiss to my forehead. Then another. And another—each one an anchor tethering me back to this moment.
“Fuck...” he breathes out, trembling. “You scared theshitout of me. This was harder the second time.”
I glance up, surprised. His face is pale, tear-streaked, wrecked.
