Page 106 of It's Always Been You

“Wow,” Caitlin whispered in awe. “You’re that badass?”

Travis chuckled, “I’m sure I’ve gotten rusty.”

“Not from what I’ve seen,” she muttered as she played with the hair on Travis’s chest. “Do you miss being a SEAL?”

Travis was quiet for a beat. “I miss the brotherhood and the mission to clean up the shit in this world. I loved being a SEAL, and then I lost some friends at the same time I had that injury that had me questioning my beliefs. You restored my faith in the mission, babe, but I also started hating being away from you.”

“Oh, Travis . . .”

“Don’t feel guilty, Cat. I just found something . . . someone I loved more than those ugly guys I served with,” Travis said with a hint of amusement. Then his tone turned serious. “It takes its toll on you—war, killing, collateral damage. We may be the toughest sons of bitches on the planet, but there is a danger to losing our humanity, especially when there is no one back home to keep you tethered. I had a taste of that when I thought I had lost you.”

“You scare me, Travis.”

“What?” Travis shifted his hold on her and tilted her chin up to look at him.

“Remember when we got ambushed on Route 7?”

“Yeah?”

“You became someone I didn’t recognize. I can’t explain that look in your eyes. And then again when you fought Ashe and the other MC guys . . . you were this . . . stranger.” Caitlin wanted to say killing machine, but she couldn’t bring herself to utter the words.

“Sorry, Cat,” Travis whispered. “I just disappear into this zone where I have to neutralize a threat. I’m still there . . . inside . . . I’m still there. But I have to operate with no empathy, because if I have to kill someone whose intent is to kill me, hesitating is not an option.”

“I know,” Caitlin said. “I guess I freaked you out, too, the one time you saw me black out and go on a rampage.”

“God, Cat. I was so pissed at what was done to you.” Travis shuddered against her. “That the agency would experiment . . . never again, babe. I’ll never let them get their hands on you.”

Caitlin settled back into the sanctuary of his embrace, and closed her eyes. Before she fell into a deep sleep, the last thing she felt was Travis tightening his arms around her, brushing a kiss on top of her head.

Another two days passed.The men were playing cards. Caitlin was in Travis’s study pounding away on her laptop. Sometimes Travis would see her on social networking websites, sometimes in hacker chatrooms. He had not brought up the topic of the Hephaestus-Carpathian files again and figured she would get to it when she was ready.

Porter tried to call him once, but Travis let it go to voicemail. The admiral didn’t leave any message.

“I’ve got a full house,” Nate announced as he laid out his cards.

Sam threw his cards on the table in disgust. “I think this guy is a card shark.”

Travis shook his head, smiling. “I agree. I don’t know why I even bother and don’t just hand him the pot.”

“Sore losers,” Nate said as he gathered all the chips toward him.

Just then, there was a loud crash in his study, followed by a wail and a whimper.

All the men jumped to their feet and raced to the room.

“Caitlin!” Travis called as he burst through the doors and stopped.

She was staring at her laptop—wrecked on the floor of the study. She was hugging her own body in a protective gesture. And she was muttering, “No. No. No.”

“Babe, what is it?” Did the pressure finally get to her, and she got too frustrated and just smashed her laptop? He walked over to comfort her, but she shoved him away.

“No!” Her eyes were wild. “Don’t touch me! You all can’t make me do this. I won’t.”

Alarmed, because this was the first he’d seen her this way, he tried again, “Caitlin, tell me what’s wrong?”

“That thing is vile!” she shrieked at him. “They’re not getting anything out of me.”

“What is it?”

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