Page 89 of Durango

She stares at me. “Do you ever talk to anyone about it?”

I clasp my hands together to keep from touching her. All I want to do right now is touch her, but we need to talk. “Well, Reed makes us write up reports after every assignment, so he gets the full details. And while on assignment, whoever I’m working with, we communicate all the time to make sure we can do things as safely as we can.”

She shakes her head. “No, I don’t mean that.” She takes my hand in hers. “I’ve been going to therapy to help with everything I’ve been through.”

“Yes, you mentioned it.”

“It’s really helped me put everything into perspective. Before, I blamed myself for everything that happened with Tyler.”

I frown. “But it’s not your fault.”

“I can see that now. But before, I couldn’t.”

Is she trying to explain herself? She has to know that isn’t necessary with me. “Willow, you’ve been through a lot. And I don’t blame you for any of it.”

She nods. “I know. I was thinking you would benefit from therapy, too.”

Ah, there it is. “I don’t need therapy.”

“Are you sure? Since we’ve been talking again, I’ve noticed you’re different. You are more bottled up.”

I stand up and take a step away from the bed. “Bottled up?” We’ve talked about everything that has happened in our lives since we used to hang out ten years ago. I told her whathappened with Piper and John. “I’ve been open with you about everything in my life.”

She bites her lip as she stares at me. It’s something she does when she’s trying to control her emotions. “Yes, you have. You’ve told me facts and details. But you haven’t been open with your feelings.”

“Are you kidding? I’ve made it very clear I want to date you. You’re the one who wasn’t ready.”

Her eyes close, and I think she’s mumbling something to herself. “I’m getting this out wrong. What I mean is you seem closed off. You weren’t before. I know you deal with a lot in your job. And?—”

“You know?” I say harsher than I mean to. “You know what I deal with? No, I don’t think you do, and I don’t think you want to know.”

Memories of the day Piper realized what Ozzie and I and the other guys do flood my mind. I assumed Piper understood, but it was at that moment that I realized those outside of our assignments really don’t get what we have to do sometimes. Even Piper, who works with us each day. And frankly, most people don’t want to know the details. It’s too much for most to handle.

“Durango, please. I don’t want to argue.”

“Then don’t make assumptions about me.” I’m not sure why this is making me so angry, but it is. Maybe it’s because she hit a nerve. Yes, I was different ten years ago. That was before my dad died and my mom found out they hadn’t really prepared for that scenario.

Thankfully, I was able to get work with Stormy and make enough money to help her out. But I had to give up a military career I loved. Something I’d thought I’d come to terms with but maybe not. She’s right; I am different than I was ten years ago. Maybe I’m not the man she thought I was.

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to do that. I just thought talking to someone might help you process some of the things you’ve dealt with.”

“I’m not a talker. Never have been. If you don’t like that, then we should just remain friends.” I storm out of the room and back downstairs.

Once downstairs, Axel picks up on my pissed-off mood. He arches a brow. I ignore it.

“I’m going for a walk,” I say as I go to the door.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” Axel says.

I spin around, ready to argue.

His hands go up. “You just spent the afternoon in the emergency room.”

“I’ll walk slow.” I leave before he can stop me.

I need to get out of there and clear my head. I’m too angry to stay, and I might say something I don’t mean.

I get therapy is great for her, but she went through a horrible ordeal with Tyler. I don’t need fixing. I thought everything between us was going well. But if she thinks I need to change and we haven’t started dating yet, hell, it won’t go well.

---