Page 42 of Up in Smoke

I hang my hat, turn off the light, and take off my jeans. I can’t see Mesa in the dark, but I hear her dramatic yawn. If I were entirely sober, I’d think better of dropping into bed next to her.

She’s facing away from me with one cheek resting on her bent arm. I roll to my stomach and tuck my arms under the pillow. A second later, the comforter swishes, and I feel a tap on my shoulder.

I lift my head to see her looking at me. She’s balled up in the covers with her hands tucked under her chin. I turn toward her on my side and prop my head up on my fist.

“I’m not shit-faced,” she says.

I chuckle quietly. “I know. Very mature of you.”

After the half of a whiskey shot on the patio, I watched her most of the night. She was still having fun, but she only periodically sipped on one drink. My eyes have adjusted enough to the darkness now that I can see her smile.

“I need to talk to you,” she confesses.

“Right now?” I clench my jaw when she nods. “Okay. About what?”

I’m worried she’ll bring up that we got a little too comfortable tonight. And last week at her place. And probably a few other times in between. I’m also worried that she won’t bring it up. It’s a weird feeling, but I kind ofwantto talk to her about it.

“How do you do it? The flings. The fun stuff without getting attached right away and then getting your feelings hurt?”

I laugh with a shrug, but she frowns and slaps my shoulder, so I come up with some sort of answer. “There’s not much to it. Being honest with the other person.”

“That simple?”

“Yes and no.” My eyes narrow. “I guess you also have to make sure the other person wants the same thing as you. I don’t know. You eventually learn to pick out the right ones pretty easily to avoid problems afterward.”

Why do I feel like a douchebag explaining this to her? I have no shame in my game. I don’t call girls by the wrong name or disrespect them. I’m always up-front. I just don’t want anything serious. It’s never bothered me until now, and I hope Mesa doesn’t think it makes me a piece of shit.

“Problems afterward,” she laughs, repeating my words.

“You know what I mean.”

“Kind of. I want to try it.” Her voice grows softer. “Maybe you could show me how.”

My heart jumps into my throat. I fight for my next breath like her words stole all the available oxygen out of the room. My body reacts with an increased heart rate like I’ve just won the lottery. The logical part of my brain vibrates with sheer panic.

“I had an epiphany out there tonight,” she adds before I can verbally respond to the bomb she just dropped. “What good is having a friend with a cheat code for great sex that doesn’t lead to heartbreak if I can’t take advantage of it?”

Isn’t this what I wanted all along? To help her blow off some steam? I should be agreeing to show her the ropes. Right here and now.

Instead, a sharp stab in my chest stops me, and I muster enough composure to shoot it down.

“I’m not sure that’d be a good idea.”

“Please? I want to test it out. Maybe that’s what I’ve been missing all this time. I need this.”

The hand at my side twitches with the desire to reach out and pull her toward me. “You don’t think it’d mess up what we’ve got? Get too complicated?”

“Nah,” she says with a sigh. “I think this way is better, actually. If we get it out of the way, then it won’t be hanging over our heads anymore.”

I sit up. “It’s hanging over your head?”

Mesa rolls to her back and looks up at me. “Well, yeah, a little bit. It’s like an elephant in the room since I blurted out my little problem at the baseball game we went to. I want to squash it so that we can just keep being friends and not think about it anymore, you know?”

I take a deep breath and run a hand through my hair. “I mean . . . if it’s really what you want, then I can show you.”

She smiles and wiggles in her spot to get more comfortable. The covers are pulled back up to her chin, and she closes her eyes.

“Perfect,” she whispers. “The next time we go out or have a party, we’ll find the perfect guy. Then you can tell me exactly what to do.”

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