Page 48 of Up in Smoke

My jaw clenches so hard it hurts. That answer should be enough. Her trust has always meant more to me than anything else. It almost makes me reconsider tonight’s plan and walk away.

Something in my eyes must clue her in to my thoughts because her lips part, and she can’t decide whether she wants to look at my mouth or my hand braced on the couch that’s dangerously close to hers.

Her tongue flicks out, slow and thoughtless, dragging over her bottom lip and pulling it between her teeth.

Jesus.

Every rational part of me burns to ash. My voice is low when I give her an instruction.

“Close your eyes.”

She obeys without argument or hesitation. It nearly undoes me. My fingers dig into my palms, trying to stay grounded in my own damn skin.

“Now, don’t overthink,” I say, scooting even closer. There are just a few inches between the outsides of our thighs now. “Just answer honestly, okay?”

She nods twice and then, just like I practiced this morning in the mirror, I start in on the necessary questions to set this up right.

“Some random guy at the bar would never know what you need or what you like. Not like I do. Right?”

Her eyes suddenly flick open, but I frown and she closes them again just as quickly. She nods, but I need her words.

“Say it.”

“That’s right,” she whispers.

I should never be allowed to set the pace in a serious conversation. Not a second goes by after her answer before I jump right into the next one.

“Good,” I say, quieter now. “And even though you asked me to help you set it up, you didn’t really think I was going to go through with it and willingly give a stranger a chance to hurt you, did you?”

She hesitates, then slowly draws out her one-word response. “No.”

“I’m not fucking doing that,” I reiterate, just to make sure it sticks in her head. “I care about you enough to protect you. Do you believe that?”

She nods while forcing her eyes to close tighter and pressing her lips together. There’s not a chance in hell I’m stopping now. Her shallow breaths come quickly as I blurt out my next question.

“No one knows you like I do?”

That one slips out off the cuff. Was it necessary? Probably not. But I couldn’t help myself. I want it to be true. If she says no, I’m not confident I’d survive hearing it.

Her lips curl into a soft smile before answering this time. “Yes.”

I’m very chill about this.Sochill as I bounce my knee, my fingers twitch, and my chest feels like it's exploding.

“So, you agree I’d take care of you, then?” My voice is rougher now, like my dwindling stash of resolve is officially gone. The next part of my question comes out like silk wrapped around a threat. “And that if anyone is going to fuck you right. . .”

I lean down just enough to let my breath fall over her lips.

“. . . it’sme.”

Her eyes snap open, and gone is their sweet green hue. Her pupils are blown so wide it almost knocks me off my axis.

For a second, neither of us breathes.

Then I add, barely above a whisper, “It’s me. Say it.”

Her perfect mouth parts like she’s caught between gasping and speaking but is too stunned to choose.

I move even closer. Close enough to feel her breath stutter against my throat. I place one hand on the back of the couch by her head and the other behind her on the arm rest, caging her in—but not touching. Not yet.

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