Page 103 of The Fake Husband Play
And sometimes the light is so bright it hurts.
God, it hurts…to know I might never hold my baby again.
But there’s beauty in that, too, to have loved so fully, with every piece of my heart, no holding back. Bare and raw and fearless.
And maybe it was because I was too young and stupid to understand the price of this kind of love when I first signed on the dotted line. But even knowing how it’s ripped me open, how it’s scarred me as much as it’s blessed me, how hard it’s been carrying this kind of love all alone, I would choose Mimi again in a second.
I would choose her a thousand times.
For a thousand lifetimes.
So maybe, I’ll get to see her again someday, in some other life, in some other, easier, better world, where we’ll have more time…
It’s my last thought and th?—
Music…
Who knows how much later, I hear music, soft and low.
I have a groggy thought, something about being glad that there’s music in the afterlife, but then, I recognize a melody from The Nutcracker Suite. Mimi likes to listen to the score when she’s having a hard time sleeping.Then, I become aware of scratchy sheets against my skin and what feels like a massive bruise encompassing my entire mid-section.
It hurts. A lot. But it’s a softer kind of pain than before, muted by a thick blanket of drugs and the fact that my body is already on the road to recovery.
I’m recovering.
I’m alive…
My lids fly open, tears of gratitude already stinging at the edges of my eyes as I turn my heavy head to see the people I love. Right there. By my side, the way I knew they would be.
Grammercy’s big body is wedged onto a portable cot, his legs hanging off the end. Mimi is sprawled across his chest with Miss Sparklehorn tucked tight in the crook of her arm and her thumb popped in her mouth. She stopped sucking her thumb when she was three, but in moments of stress, it still finds its way back between her bow tie lips.
I hate that she was thumb-sucking scared, even for a minute, let along however long I’ve been unconscious, but I feel so lucky to have been able to see them like this, so beautiful and connected and loving each other, even in sleep.
They look like a painting.
Like a family.
Like that happily ever after I wasn’t sure was in the cards for me, after all, and I’m suddenly filled with the certainty that we’re going to make it. All of us. Who cares about my podcast or the stories we haven’t told each other yet or what happens when we’re over the love-drunk phase and get to the “why is the way he eats cereal so annoying?” and “why can’t sheremember anything she hasn’t written down on a list” phase?
This man was meant to be mine, and I was meant to be his.
Forever. End of story.
And if he’s mad about the podcast, I’ll just keep apologizing until he gets over it and loves me again because this is way too much magic to let go of without a fight.
As if he can hear me telepathically staking my claim on every centimeter of his heart, Grammercy’s eyes flicker open. The second he sees me awake, relief floods across his features with an intensity that’s almost painful to watch.
Aw, he loves me…
He really does…
“Don’t worry, baby,” I croak, in a voice that sounds like I’ve been screaming in the stands for hours. “I’m okay.”
“You arenotokay. Your appendix burst on the bathroom floor, El,” he whispers, wiggling awkwardly to the side of the cot before lifting Mimi off his chest and guiding her gently back onto the cot.
A beat later, he’s beside my bed, smoothly my hair from my forehead with the same gentle hands.
And suddenly I can’t wait another second to tell him everything in my heart. “You’re such a good man,” I whisper. “I love that you’re as gentle and loving as you are strong. I love that you jumped into a relationship with a single mom without flinching. I love that I didn’t have to worry for a second that if something happened to me, you would love my daughter with your whole chest and be the best dad any girl could hope for.”
