Page 116 of Rapunzel Is Losing It

“Your uncle knew you were here because ofme. Julian wouldn’t have- IfIhadn’t-” I couldn’t get enough air into my lungs. Couldn’t get my tongue to move fast enough to convey everything that needed to come out. “How could I be so stupid? I did that to her. I keep trying to do the right thing, and it’s all wrong. Irina, too. I did that. And that man. That man you killed because he threatened me. He wouldn’t have threatened me if I hadn’t pushed him. I keep doing that. I keep pushing. Everything I do hurts people.”

“Cordelia, slow down.”

I couldn’t. The words kept tumbling. “My mom didn’t want to go that day. She had those days when she said her outside batteries were drained, and this was one of them. But I was so excited for my first dress for my first dance. I had stayed up late and I had printed out a map with the exact plan for the day, which dress shops in which order, where we’d get lunch. I made an itinerary with pretty fonts, and I planned our outfits for us, down to the matching white shoes. I made all of those plans and she came with me and she died.”

“She was killed.Youdidn’t kill her.”

I heard his words, but I couldn’t stop the train I was on. My thoughts bulleted down the rails. “I keep making impulsive plans and people keep getting hurt. I make all the wrong decisions. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t- I can’t- I can’t breathe.” I squeezed my eyes shut because it was all too much. Too much light, too much pain, too many mistakes. But all that waited for me behind closed lids was blood. So much blood on the ground. It soaked through my shoes.Grab the girl, Nick.

A hand inched up my chin, ready to cover my mouth and fill my nostrils with the scent of leather, but for the first time in my life, I swung my fist at the man.

“Fuck,” Victor groaned.

My eyes flew open. Blood. Actual blood. On the bedsheet, dripping from his nose. “I’m sorry. Oh my god. Oh god. I hit you.” My voice was a breathless squeak. I hurt him. I’d actually physically hurt him.

“Come here.” He stretched one hand out while wiping the blood off with the other.

“No, please. I don’t want to hurt you.” I inched away from him and sank to the floor. I couldn’t even trust myself around him anymore. I’d hurt him. I’d hit him. Oh god.

“Come here, Cordelia.” He slid off the mattress and climbed over me, caging my hips in.

“Please Victor, I don’t know what’s real, please-” He stifled my words with his mouth on mine.

It wasn’t slow and it wasn’t gentle. Victor took my mouth like he had a claim to stake. Everything zeroed in on that kiss, until my mind was his teeth and his tongue and his taste. His hands were in my hair, around my neck, and grasping at my face, pulling me into him. He consumed every wild and racing thought. And when he finally let me breathe, I was nothing but air and kiss.

“You and me,” he rasped, “real.”

A sob broke from my chest and Victor kissed me again, more careful this time. He took my hand and, after using his other hand to unbutton his shirt, slid it over his chest. “Do you feel this? This is real. The only reason it’s beating is because you hired me. I’d be dead without you.”

“You’d be on an island in South Asia, relaxing on the beach.”

“I’d be breathing, but I’d be dead,zhizn’ moya. Do you not hear me telling you again and again? You are my life.”

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

The private jetreeked of cigar smoke and the perfume of the busty ginger in my uncle’s lap. God knew where he’d left his wife, but she wasn’t coming to Paris. I dropped into a seat as far away from Petya as possible, one that still allowed me to keep an eye on the entire plane.

Three men surrounded my uncle, none of which I knew personally. Yury shuffled in, dragging the same small silver suitcase he’d been logging to all my matches over the years.

I only glanced down at my phone once, just to check if there were any messages. None. It was wrong to leave Cordelia, but it would have been worse to stay. I had to trust Irina and Del to keep her safe for a few days, while Luka and I took care of Petya.

Worse than the bruised nose she’d given me, was the pressure ache in my chest. I shouldn’t have told her about thehouse right before taking off. I shouldn’t have told her about the house. Period. I’d thought it was bad when she was shutting down and left her body on autopilot, but that didn’t compare to the panic in her eyes. She’d been so scared. And not of anything out there, not of anyone who could harm her, of herself. That was the worst part. I couldn’t keep her safe from herself.

The speakers crackled to life when the pilot announced that we were ready for take-off, and I whipped around to see the flight attendant latching the door.

“Where’s Luka?” I asked, not directing my question at anyone in particular.

The dread slammed me in the stomach before anyone even responded.

“He’s sitting this one out,” Petya replied, fondling his plaything’s zipper.

Fuck.

I bit my tongue just in time to keep the curse down and keep my face still. I felt his eyes on me. Whether he knew exactly what we had planned or he just thought Luka and I were getting too close, I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction.

Instead, I turned to the window and watched Boston turn into a tiny cluster of lights before clouds overtook the view.

I was screwed.

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