Page 36 of Carnival
“We can’t continue to do this,’’ I admit through a whisper. “I need answers. I feel like I’m going insane, and you’re not helping, either. So, please, just… tell me.’’
James freezes, his hands suddenly holding me tighter, as if he’s afraid I’ll disappear if he lets go. He sucks in a deep breath, his body rigid, and even his heartbeat picks up the pace. I glance up to meet his eyes, and yet again, I can’t read his emotions; everything is perfectly masked.
“What exactly are you referring to?” James asks, voice gruff. I already know he won’t give me the answer to the questions I want to know the most, and it would be useless to try. Hence, I decide to switch up my tactic and see how much he’ll reveal.
“You said that you and I were in the same foster home.’’ I tilt my head up, carefully watching his reaction. “Were we friends back then?”
As per usual, I don’t know what he’s thinking, and I can’t tell whether he’ll lie to me or not. I may not be able to read everyone well, but I’ve learned how to find little tells, ticks, or anything of the sort to indicate the person might be lying.
However, with James? There’s no chance I’ll ever be able to tell, and it scares me.
“Friends,’’ he repeats, slowly, then looks away, jaw clenched, eyes focused on the wall. “I wouldn’t use that word. But it wasyou and me, then another two children, the biological kids of the foster family.’’
“Then what word would you use to describe that situation?’’
“At best, you and I were two kids, both in a very shitty situation. Don’t get me wrong, the foster family did their job. They provided shelter, food, clothes, and education. They did the bare minimum, and although they weren’t overly affectionate, they were far from abusive.’’
A frown tugs on my lips, and I sit up, wrapping the blankets around my bare body, trying to warm myself as much as possible. It’s not the cold that’s bothering me, because I can barely feel it — it’s the chills that are slowly spreading through my body, and somehow, I have the feeling that I won’t like this story.
“Then… what happened?”
James’ jaw clenches, and if he clenches it a bit more, I’m scared his teeth will break. He sucks in a sharp breath, barely blinking, and stares at the wall across from the bed. He’s silent for a couple of minutes, and my mind is running as quickly as possible.
“I can’t tell you,’’ he says, and I open my mouth to respond, but he’s quicker, stopping me before I even get a single word out. “Not because I don’t want to, but because you won’t believe me. And so, I’m trying to jog your memory, because it will be far easier if you remembered on your own.’’
“Then what can you tell me?” I sigh.
“Their children… Willow and Gabriel weren’t thrilled when I first got sent there. Willow was a few years older than me, and from the moment I arrived, she had this fixation with me.She’d follow me around wherever I went, she’d burst into the bathroom while I showered, and had the tendency to sneak into my room whilst I slept.’’
“What the hell was she doing?”
He shrugs. “I’m not sure. I was seven when I first got sent there; she was about eleven, I’d say. Definitely old enough to know not to enter anyone’s bedroom during night or an occupied bathroom.’’
“Did you tell your foster parents?”
James nods. “She’d stop because they’d ground her and take away her privileges, but it never stuck. She’d go back to doing it after the dust settled down. Then, a few years later, you came along.’’
“Yeah, you said I was seven.’’
“Yes,’’ he sighs. “And Willow wasn’t thrilled about not being the only girl anymore. She was twelve, competing with a seven-year-old girl. I don’t know if she had a crush on me and she saw you as competition, but she made sure to make your life a living Hell.’’
I freeze for a moment, and James continues.
“Gabriel was a bit different. My age, and although he disapproved of his sister’s antics, he loved her too much to say anything. Instead, he followed her around like a lost puppy. He wouldn’t participate in her bullying, but he never made an attempt to stop it, either. In my eyes, both of them were equally bad.’’
“Was she… terrible to me?”
“Sometimes,’’ he glances at me. “If I ignored your existence, she wouldn’t even look at you. But if I so much as spoke to you,even if it were brief, she’d lose her shit. Often, she’d force Gabriel and me to have tea parties with her. She’d force me to braid her hair and add fucking daisies to it. The house was next to a lake, and it was surrounded by acres of land and forest that belonged to the family.’’
Breath hitches in my throat, the vivid images of my nightmare flooding my mind. The girl that I saw in the nightmare suddenly flashes behind my eyes, and I blink, trying to brush away the images. I thought that since it was just a dream, I was watching it from the sidelines, but now…
In the dream, they were across from me, across the lake. What if that was a memory that got entangled with the nightmare? What if it was a flashback of me being alone and staring at them while they were playing?
“Rosalie?” James’ voice snaps me out of the trance. “Are you alright?”
I nod. “I’m fine. Continue.’’
“Well, Willow never gave up, really. It didn’t help that over time, you and Gabriel bonded. It wasn’t a deep bond like siblings or friends; more like two people remotely liking each other and living under the same roof. Willow didn’t like that. Especially not after I started leaning more toward hanging out with you and running away from her.’’
