Page 70 of Carnival
‘‘The moment I’m out, that motherfucker is dead, hellion.’’
26
Rose
Ipractically ran out of the library, somehow managing to drop my phone, crack the screen, and ride my bike without causing an accident. By the time I slam the front door of the apartment shut, I’m panting, sweating, and my hands are trembling.
My back leaned against the wooden door, and I slid down, sitting on the floor and hugging my knees to my chest. My face is hidden by my hair falling all over it, and I don’t even know where I tossed my helmet.
My heart almost leaps straight out of my chest, and I don’t know how to describe the emotions that have finally started to overflow the cup. Fear, anxiety, and deeply rooted panic start to set in. The reminder of cruelty that James possesses is a constant reminder in the back of my head that no matter what I do, no matter where I go, I cannot escape his grasp.
My throat is closing on me, and it feels as though my lungs have started to collapse. Air doesn’t reach me, and my eyes arefilled with tears. My hands are trembling, and if I looked closely enough, I’d be able to see the outline of my heart against my chest from the intensity at which it’s beating.
The irrational fear consumes me, and I’m paralyzed, sitting down on the floor, tears streaming down my cheeks. I’ve claimed not to be scared of James — I’ve claimed that none of this has taken such a toll on me, but now, after he made contact with me for the first time in two years, after denying to see me, he has finally reached my brain, and the realization dawned on me.
It just means that all this time, he’s been stalking me, even from prison. He’s been watching my every move, every interaction I’ve had with my peers and professors at university, and quite possibly the things I’ve done in the comfort of my own home.
James Maddox is a dangerous man. Even from behind the bars, he’s still pulling the strings, still dictating how I live my life. The cage he’s built around me is secure, and he’s holding the key. He’ll never let me out. I’ll never escape his hold.
It’s ridiculous — if he wanted to hurt me, he would’ve hurt me a long time ago. Yet, the fear lingers, always at the back of my head. James sits on the throne of my sanity, a crown on his head, holding me on a tight leash.
I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. It’s not helping, and the air feels useless. I don’t see anything in front of me; everything’s been clouded and foggy from the tears, and with shaky hands, I try to wipe them off, my teeth clattering together as I squeeze my eyes shut, trying desperately to get rid of the sensations before they overwhelm me beyond the point of return.
“Oh my God,’’ Aria’s voice fills my ears, and it’s as if the dark, grey clouds have started to clear, even if a little. I don’t see her, but I can feel her rushing toward me, getting down on her knees and taking my face in hers. “Open your eyes for me, Rose, please.’’
Although it’s a plea, the command in her voice is indisputable. She tightens her grip on my cheeks, her calm voice slowly cracking through the paralyzed state I’ve been in for the past minutes.
“Did you know that when my mom killed my dad’s brother, she thought he killed Mom’s aunt?” She asks, and my eyes slowly open, a puzzled expression on my face. Aria swallows, looking right into my eyes. “Only to find out that Uncle Franco, although a terrible person, didn’t kill her aunt. Yeah, she killed him for no reason, and my dad, in retaliation, stabbed her in the thigh.’’
“What?” I croak out.
Aria nods. “Weird, right? I can’t count how many times they’ve pulled out guns on each other, even after they got married. Apparently, that’s their love language. Oh, my dad’s also deadly allergic to strawberries, so Mom feeds them to him often, just to remind him of his place. And like a lovesick fool that he is, he eats them without complaint.’’
“She… she does that?” I ask, my voice shaky.
“Mhm,’’ Aria nods. “She claims that she always aims for the cemetery whenever she gives him strawberries.’’
A small snort slips from me. “Only Noelle would do stuff like that.’’
Aria smiles. “Mm, but it’s effective, isn’t it? Dad knows not to fuck around and find out, because he knows she can be very dangerous if she wanted to be.’’
“Why are you telling me this?”
She releases a deep breath, hands falling from my face. “That was the first thing I thought of. Apparently, getting you distracted was a good solution to stop your panic attack. Are you okay?”
The realization sinks in, and I glance down at my hands. They’re still trembling, but much less, and my heart rate is lowering, my breathing slowly going back to normal. Aria takes my hands in hers, gently helping me off the floor and taking me to sit on the couch in the living room.
“I’m all better now,’’ I sigh out, laying down. “Thanks.’’
“Don’t mention it,’’ she waves me off. “Does this mean I’m forgiven?”
“Yeah,’’ I mumble.
I know Aria better than she knows herself. I know that although she didn’t display it well, her intentions were pure. She wanted to protect me, like I’d protect her, and she wasn’t thinking of the consequences. But one bad decision on her part can’t erase all that we’ve been through, everything that she gave me, and all the love, support, and comfort I’ve found in her over the years.
“Thank fuck,’’ she groans and slumps into the couch, pulling my feet onto her lap. “What the fuck happened, Rose? You’ve never had a panic attack before.’’
“Chase kissed me.’’
