Page 100 of Pistols and Plush Toys

There was movement out of the corner of his eye. A dark shape in the doorway.

Elliot screamed. On instinct he scrambled back until he hit the headboard hard.

“P-please no—please, I’m s-sorry–” His voice was wet, wrecked, and he stumbled over the words even as he held his hands out to guard himself.

“Shhh, Elliot, shhh,” a voice came, soft and deep. Then the light flickered on low.

It wasn’t Mattia.

Struggling to catch his breath, Elliot managed a small, “Nikolai?”

Nikolai was dressed in his sleep shirt and shorts as he stepped further into the room, his short hair wild and sleep flattened on one side. It was clear he’d all but tumbled out of bed when he’d heard the racket Elliot had been making.

“Was nightmare?” Nikolai asked as he approached the side of the bed, hands up to placate.

Elliot sniffled and rubbed a hand across his wet face. He was shaking, the fear clinging to him like shadows. “Y-yeah. I’m s-sorry, did I wake you?”

“I am hearing screaming,” Nikolai said. “Was worried.”

“I’m sorry,” Elliot said again, hiccuping on another sob. “It was j-just a nightmare.” He wrapped his arms around himself. Fuck, he was such a mess. It hadn’t been real, none of it had been real but…

“I’m sorry you were having nightmare,” Nikolai said, taking a careful perch on the bed beside him. A cautious hand touched Elliot’s shoulder.

It was meant for comfort, but Elliot jerked back, as if burned.

If that man ever touches you again…

“Ah, sorry,” Nikolai said, pulling his hand back. He didn’t even look upset, and that was the worst of all.

“No, I’m sorry. I-I didn’t mean—it’s not you, I-I’m sorry—” Elliot didn’t know what to say. Explaining himself would mean he’d have to tell Nikolai what Mattia had said to him.

Had… had done to him.

He heard himself make a wounded sound and bit his lip hard to keep any more from escaping.

“Shhh, is okay,” Nikolai said quietly, making no further movement to touch Elliot. “Is okay, Elliot.”

“I’m sorry—” Elliot gasped.

“You’re not having to apologize,” Nikolai said, holding up his hands. “Okay?”

Elliot sniffed and wiped at his face. “I just…”

He trailed off into miserable silence.

“I have idea,” Nikolai said, after the silence had stretched out. He stood up. “Okay? Be right back.”

Once he’d left, more tears slid down Elliot’s cheeks. He was such a mess. He wanted the comfort Nikolai had tried to offer, but he couldn’t let himselfhaveit. Mattia wasn’t here, but somehow it felt like he would know. Like the next time he saw Elliot he would be able to see in a glance how many times Elliot had let Nikolai touch him.

After all, wasn’t that the plan? Wasn’t that what they were taunting Mattia with?

Fuck.What if he was making a mistake agreeing to the plan? What if—what if—

Then Nikolai was returning. He had a dark shape in hand.

“Max?” Elliot croaked, taking in the bear.

“Is fixed,” Nikolai said, taking his seat again as he offered the bear. “He come before, but I forget. Sorry.”

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