Page 105 of Pistols and Plush Toys

Elliot glanced down at their joined hands. “So, yeah that’s… that’s what I was thinking about. That maybe dating… it doesn’t have to be hard?”

Nikolai hummed. “Is not hard being with people who love you in good way. For me, is not hard being with Gerard or Meredith. Men like Vitale, sounds like he’s changing rules when you learn them. Then what you do is never right.”

“Yeah,” Elliot said quietly. “Exactly.”

“My father was same,” Nikolai said, just as quietly, head tilted up to look at the dark sky. “Nothing I’m doing is right. I learn eventually is only one rule: he is right, I am wrong.”

Elliot swallowed. “Yeah.”

“Is part of keeping you, taking your power. Is hard to see it when is happening. When I’m leaving Russia, suddenly I’m feeling like I can breathe. Before, in Russia, I’m not knowing I was in pain.”

“Yeah.” Elliot stared at the sidewalk.

Nikolai squeezed his hand again. “American’s big on therapy,” Nikolai said, the words startling. “I go when I’m younger. Was helpful. Maybe is not bad thing for you to try?”

“You went to therapy?” Elliot asked. He hadn’t been expecting that at all. Nikolai was so strong. He had an untouchable quality to him.

But Nikolai also had cigarette burn scars dotting both of his arms. He carried lockpicks on him at all times to help him feel safe. Nikolai had his own traumas. Elliot was glad to know he’d been to therapy, if it had helped him.

“Yes,” Nikolai said solemnly. “At start, I’m no good friend to Gerard or Meredith. Very angry, very upset about little things going wrong. Was like my father, always angry. Meredith, she is saying she’s quit if I’m not going. So I go.”

“Wow,” Elliot said, once again impressed by Meredith’s power. “She really made you go to therapy?”

Nikolai chuckled. “Oh yes. Gerard, he’s saying she is right, and then is two against one, so I go. So I’m not being angry anymore. Not like my father.”

“I’m glad that helped you,” Elliot said with feeling.

“Me too,” Nikolai said. “Meredith stay and Gerard stay, and now we are successful business. Is no longer heavy. It is easy, these relationships.”

“I think that’s… how it’s supposed to be,” Elliot said. “Easy.”

They were nearing the theater now, the shimmering lights just ahead.

“Is nice,” Nikolai said. “Simple things are best, yes?”

Their eyes met and Elliot felt a throb in his chest. “Yeah,” he said.

Nikolai smiled at him and pulled him to a gentle stop outside the theater. The theater marquee above was casting an orange blanket of light on them. In just his crisp white button up, Nikolai looked like a silver screen leading man the way the light was hitting him.

“I’m glad you are not… disliking this,” Nikolai said, gazing down at Elliot.

For some reason, the memory of the other night flashed through Elliot’s mind. Nikolai sitting beside him in the dark bedroom, Sheep nuzzling his palm as Nikolai tried to comfort him.

Fierce heat crawled up the back of Elliot’s neck. “I hope you aren’t either?”

They looked at each other, and for a second Elliot could almost imagine Nikolai bending down. Kissing his cheek. In a movie, this would be the moment.

But this wasn’t a movie. This wasn’t even a real date.

“I’m not,” Nikolai said, the edge of his mouth curling into another smile. “You are easy to be with, Elliot.”

It hit Elliot like a well-notched arrow, and when Nikolai then prompted him forward by the hand on his back, Elliot fairly floated into the theatre.

***

That night, after Elliot had gotten ready for bed, Nikolai knocked on his door.

“Come in,” Elliot called from where he was settled in bed, Apricot in his lap and Sheep and Max on either side of him. He’d been contemplating doing a puzzle game on his phone to wind down for the night, but he—

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