Page 108 of Pistols and Plush Toys

The deep tones of his accent when he said,you are safe. You are brave.

Elliot’s hips hitched up as his hand gave just the smallest amount of pressure and friction. He felt so sensitive everywhere, his nerves lighting up, and it came to him suddenly, the realization how dull everything had been for him for so long. He’d been shuffling around half dead in his body.

And now he was thawing. Burning up, but it felt sogood.

Sheep went back down his arm and then brushed the small patch of bare stomach revealed between his T-shirt and shorts. Elliot shivered, his thighs coming together, palm pressing down against the sweet ache between his legs.

He could feel the weight of Nikolai’s eyes on him. Not holding him down, not pinning him there, but a comforting weight. One that would make sure he was okay. Safe.

Happy.

Sheep slid lower, taking the place of his hand, and Elliot gasped at the touch. His body rolled back over automatically, onto his front, pinning Sheep beneath him, and he froze like that, body trembling.

He’d… he’d never done this before. Neverthoughtabout this before. He should stop. He shouldn’t—he shouldn’t do this. It was wrong, it—

But the pulsing desire in his body was unraveling him.

Elliot groaned as his hips pressed down into the bed, into Sheep. It was barely enough friction with how soft Sheep was, but for some reason that only deepened the pleasure. Everything wassoft.

His whole body quaked under the surface, driving him forward.

Elliot was so hard now, wet and desperate as he slowly moved against his stuffed animal. All of the sensations were so loud in his head, and behind them was Nikolai’s voice, Nikolai's scent, the weight of his hand at the small of Elliot’s back.

His hands curled into the sheets to hold on as he panted hot against his pillow and kept moving. Heady pleasure seeped in, pulling him slowly, inexorably apart.

You are doing well.

The words came back to him unexpectedly. His hips thrust against Sheep once, twice, in desperate need—

And then suddenly Elliot was at the edge and tumbling over. Pleasure poured over him slow and steady, thick like honey. His body pulsed as he kept moving, driving himself in gentle waves against Sheep.

He moaned through the throb of it, through arousal so heavy it made him breathless. It went on for a long time, longer than he’d ever come before.

When he finally stopped moving, easing down the other side of the storm, Elliot was drained.

He rolled himself over to breathe.

“Oh god,”he whispered to the dark. He–he shouldn’t have done that. It was so wrong. So weird.

It was bad enough to have stuffed animals as an adult. But to do what he just did—to think aboutNikolailike that—

He felt around in the dark for Sheep, and was horrified to find wetness on his fur.

Hiscome.

Elliot flushed so hot he thought he might burn straight to the bed.

“Oh god,” he moaned again, and stumbled up on clumsy feet. His exhausted body wanted nothing more than to drop off to sleep, but he couldn’t just leave Sheep like this. And Elliot couldn’t leave himself messy either. He needed to clean up. Get rid of the evidence. Make it so it never happened.

Because it would never happen again.

In the dark, Elliot stumbled to the bathroom and wiped himself clean before returning to his room to get a new pair of sleep shorts. Then he brought Sheep to the bathroom and gently began to spot wash his fur.

The entire time, Elliot avoided looking up and seeing his own face in the mirror. He already knew there was shame written stark across his cheeks. He didn’t want to look into the eyes of a man who would do what he’d just done.

It took a few minutes to clean Sheep. Elliot tried to be thorough, and when he brought the stuffed animal back to bed, he set Sheep across the bed from him and out of his reach.

He couldn’t get rid of Sheep, because Nikolai would ask questions that Elliot would never want to answer, but he could keep Sheep out of his filthy hands. Prevent that from ever happening again.

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