Page 111 of Pistols and Plush Toys

“Thank you,” Elliot said quietly.

“How does it feel?” Nikolai asked. “Still hurts?”

“Oh um, it’s fine,” Elliot said. “I can’t really sleep on my right side, but it’s, um, getting better.”

Couldn’t sleep on his right side? Nikolai didn’t like the sound of that.

“Would you show Sheep?” Nikolai asked tentatively. It had worked the last time, and Elliot had even let Nikolai put the cream on him. But was Sheep off limits now? “After breakfast? If it is okay?”

The last time Elliot had pinked up and been vaguely uncertain about the offer, but this time his face went beet red and he coughed around a rough swallow of oatmeal.

“Is… no good?” Nikolai asked, concerned and crushed at Elliot’s reaction. He shoved the feelings down, because he didn’t have any right to them. If Elliot didn’t want to show him–show Sheep–his hurts, he didn’t have to.

Clearly Nikolai had done wrong by him last night. The thought was acid in his throat.

But Elliot was shaking his head as he reached for his glass of water.

“No,” he said in a rush once he’d had several sips. His voice was raspy from coughing. “No I–I’ll show you.”

“You are not having to,” Nikolai said, trying to assure him. “Is okay. I’m not wanting to… make you uncomfortable.”

“No, I’m–I’m not uncomfortable,” Elliot said. “Sorry. I was just surprised. I–um. No one’s ever–” Elliot’s eyes were down,his fingers fiddling with the spoon. “I just… I’ve never had anyone… care. Especially with… with something like Sheep.”

Ah.

Nikolai could make an easy guess about how Vitale might have treated Elliot’s love of stuffed animals.

“I promise I will not hurt you,” Nikolai said softly. “Or Sheep. Or Apricot or Max. I’m only wanting to help. And I’m wanting that you’re not in pain.”

“No, I-I know,” Elliot said. “Um, we can. After breakfast? S-Sheep could check.”

Elliot was still red, still shy the way he spoke those words, but Nikolai wanted to trust in them. He wanted to trust that Elliot would only agree to this if he were truly okay with it.

And Nikolai had gotten so much better at interpreting Elliot’s mannerisms and body language. Sometimes Elliot saidyeswhen he really meantno,or tried to downplay how uncomfortable he was feeling saying things were “fine” but—but Nikolai didn’t think this was one of those times.

“Okay,” Nikolai said as he picked up a spoon. “But right now I eat very good breakfast my chef make. Best chef.”

That got the edges of Elliot’s mouth tilting up, and soon after he picked his spoon back up again.

“I’m glad you like it,” Elliot said with a shy but much more comfortable smile, before he started to eat.

They finished breakfast in silence, but this one was companionable instead of awkward. Nikolai helped Elliot tidy up the kitchen before they went back to Elliot’s room.

Elliot took a seat on his bed, plucking Sheep up from where it was lying next to the pillow before offering him to Nikolai as he sat down beside him.

Nikolai opened his mouth one last time, just to ask if Elliot wassure,that he didn’t have to do this if he didn’t want to,but Elliot was already reaching for the hem of his sweater and pulling it up.

Seeing all Elliot’s bruised skin again was harder than Nikolai imagined it to be. Even expecting it, he still felt fury flicker back to life.

“See?” Elliot said, fiddling with a sleeve of his sweater. “It’s healing better. I’m okay.”

The bruising was still nasty to look at. It had gone green, like the ones on his face and throat, but the surface area was devastating. And still in the same horrible shape of boot marks, just as it had been last time Nikolai had seen it.

It made Nikolai’s blood boil, but he couldn’t show anger here. So instead Nikolai brought Sheep closer, pressing its fluffy nose to the top of the bruise, starting just under Elliot’s armpit.

“Sheep is sorry you are hurting,” Nikolai said, keeping his voice soft as he moved Sheep down, tracing the outer edges of the bruise.

Elliot shivered at the touch, but didn’t tense or pull away. His cheeks were back to looking bright red, but watching him closely, Elliot didn’t look like he wanted Nikolai to stop or go away.

---