Page 118 of Pistols and Plush Toys

“No. No, not dumb,” Nikolai said, because it was one of the nicest things he’d ever been offered. It just wasn’t possible. “Is just that I cannot ask. My father is not man who gives things for free.”

The troubled look on Elliot’s face grew deeper. “Was it always like that with your father?”

“Like what?” Nikolai asked

“Like a transaction,” Elliot said, looking up at him.

Nikolai's fingers brushed his own pajama-clad thighs, itching for a lock pick to fiddle with.

“Yes,” he said heavily. “Is best he forget I exist. That’s what I wish for, with him.”

Elliot nodded slowly. Nikolai watched him lick his lips.

“I’ll try to make more Russian food from the recipes I can find,” Elliot said, giving him another tentative, hopeful smile. “You can tell me if it’s close?”

So many gifts Nikolai was being given. He’d cherish each one for as long as he was allowed to have them.

“Yes, okay,” Nikolai said with a small smile. “But no pressure. Is good that you try. Means very much.”

“Okay,” Elliot said, his hazel eyes so bright as he looked up at Nikolai. “I really want to–to make you food you like.”

“All food you make, I like,” Nikolai told him, throat dry. He could feel the heavy pulse of his heart, how badly he wanted to reach for Elliot. To take his hand or stroke his hair.

He couldn’t. “But now we must stop food talk, or you will not sleep.”

A laugh startled out of Elliot and his smile turned rueful. “I guess I was getting excited.”

“Maybe little bit,” Nikolai said. “But you can be more excited again in the morning. Sleep time now, yes?”

But instead of looking relaxed and ready to go to sleep, Elliot bit at his lip.

“Something is wrong?” Nikolai asked, touching his own mouth.

“I’m just—” Elliot looked down. “I’ve been having nightmares.”

Ah. Nikolai reached for Max, who was closest to him, and brought him closer to Elliot, brushing against Elliot’s cheek. “Max will keep you safe from nightmares. Apricot too, and Sheep.”

Instead of leaning in or relaxing like he had before, Elliot startled, his body stiffening. There was a small pitched sound that told Nikolai he’d overstepped.

Instantly, he pulled Max away and placed him back where he’d been before, next to Elliot.

“Sorry, I…” Elliot trailed off, like he wasn’t sure what to say.

Not that he had to say anything. He shouldn’t have to tell Nikolai that he didn’t want him here, like this.

“Is okay,” Nikolai said quickly. “I will leave you to sleep, is okay.”

Elliot still looked like he wanted to say something, but Nikolai turned away.

“Good night,” he said and beelined for the door.

Before he closed it behind him, he heard a soft, “Good night,” from Elliot.

Nikolai clenched his jaw, and instead of going to his bedroom, he walked down through the hallways of his house. With every step, he chastised himself. He’d been foolish and careless, stepping over boundaries heknewbetter than to. Elliot had been through so much and was only freshly escaped from his trauma. His tormentor was still at large, and until Nikolai dealt with Vitale, the fear would hang over Elliot’s head.

What was Nikolai doing,letting himself into Elliot’s bedroom at night? How dare he be so forward with Elliot, when Elliot’s bruises hadn’t even yet healed? What right did Nikolai have to pick up one of his precious stuffed animals? Or worse, to want to touch Elliot, to hold him close?

He ended up in the kitchen, flicking on the light as he stalked into the room. He got halfway to the liquor cabinet before he stopped, realizing what he was doing.

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