Page 119 of Pistols and Plush Toys

And what hecouldn’tdo. He hadn’t had a drink since Elliot had come here, and as badly as he wanted to sink into a bottle, if he got drunk and passed out tonight, he would be useless if something happened. Even for something as small as Elliot’s nightmares—because what if Elliot woke and needed Nikolai, and Nikolai wasn’t there?

With a snarl of frustration Nikolai turned around, heading to the refrigerator. He got out a glass and poured himself an ice cold water. He stood there in the light of the open door and drank the whole thing, letting the cold soothe the heat in the back of his throat.

In the end, it didn’t matter what Nikolai wanted or what his own feelings were. He’d started all of this, and he was going to finish it. He was going to make sure Elliot could live a long and happy life, anormallife, where he didn’t have to think about his abuser or the man who had kidnapped him.

Which meant that eventually–soon–he’d be gone from Nikolai’s life entirely.

Nikolai dropped the empty cup in the sink, turned off the light, and went to bed.

Chapter 21: Elliot

Xander:So hey, can I ask what’s been going on with you since you left Melrose? Or… what happened after you left?

Xander:Unless you want to wait to talk in person!

Xander:Or if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s okay too!!

Elliot stared at the texts from Xander. They’d been chatting casually for the last few days, just updates about what they were doing and how their day was going. Getting used to talking to each other again. Elliot was happy to reconnect and he appreciated that Xander seemed so excited about it, but he’d been kind of relieved that Xander had kept most of their conversations slightly more superficial, at least to start.

But now Elliot had a choice to make.

He thought it over as he made breakfast. What did he want to say? Whatcouldhe say? Obviously he couldn’t tell Xander about any of the… mafia stuff. And Elliot wouldn’t want to anyway. He would rather not relive Mattia hurting him or the terror of being kidnapped, for all that Nikolai had turned out to be—

Well. Had turned out to be a total sweetheart.

There were other things he could talk about though. Other details he could give that wouldn’t implicate anyone. Certainly Xander deservedsomeexplanation as to why Elliot had suddenly quit Melrose and then essentially disappeared, ignoring all his friends’ texts until they finally stopped making attempts to contact him.

So what did he want to say?

By the time he and Nikolai had eaten and Nikolai had excused himself for work, Elliot had decided on a version ofhonesty. Obviously he couldn’t be completely open with Xander, but he wanted to tell his friend at least part of the truth. He owed Xander that much.

And Elliot wanted his friend back. Hewantedto be able to connect and talk about more than just superficial things.

Elliot:It's okay. I want to tell you. It might be easier to tell you in text anyway.

He got a reply almost immediately. But that made sense—Xander must not be at work yet.

Xander:I’m ready for whatever you want to tell me. But no pressure!!

Elliot left the kitchen and paused in front of the couch in the living room. Nikolai had told him at breakfast that he’d be out of the house today, handling more of his father’s business, so Elliot had run of the house. It was odd to be in Nikolai’s space while Nikolai wasn’t present. Even on the days Nikolai had to shut himself in his office, Elliot had known he wasn’t by himself.

But now Elliot was alone and he found… he found that he felt okay. Like he didn’t have to tiptoe around like he used to, walking on eggshells because he was terrified to crack one.

He took a seat on the couch.

Elliot:Well, I guess to start, I left Melrose because of my ex-boyfriend. Mattia? I don’t know if you ever met him, but he picked me up a few times while I was there.

Xander:I think I remember him. Tall guy, olive skin, vaguely disapproving look?

That’s him,Elliot thought with a sigh. It went along with his baseline personality, which was also vaguely disapproving.

Elliot:Yeah. He, uh, didn’t like how much time work took up. So mostly I didn’t work. I did the occasional shift at a small diner he owned, but not much else the last few years. It wasn’t… a good situation.

He stared at the text message a long time before he hit send. It was hard to explain what had happened. At the time it had felt like what he was supposed to do, but now he was embarrassed about how he’d let Mattia shave his life down to nothing. How he’d stayed so long—years.Even without knowing what Mattia did for work, it shouldn’t—it shouldn’t have gone on like that. Elliot loved cooking so much.

Why had he ever let someone convince him to stop?

Xander:Oh…. I’m really sorry to hear that, Elliot. Are you okay?

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