Page 133 of Pistols and Plush Toys

“Okay!” Elliot turned. “Be right back!”

Once Elliot had left the kitchen, Nikolai found himself wandering back over to the cabinets that held his bottles.

He wanted a drink. Could picture himself pulling a bottle down and pouring a few fingers. Throwing it back to ease the ache in his chest.

Then disgust reared up in its place. All he could think of was Elliot coming back to Nikolai after his shower, excited to watch another episode of Checklists, and catching Nikolai doing it. The confusion he’d have as to why Nikolai was sneaking around drinking.

Did Elliot have bad memories of men drinking? HadVitalehad a taste for alcohol? Had he gotten drunk and–and–

Nikolai certainly couldn’t rule that out. The idea that he could be included in the same narrative only made him more disgusted with himself.

No.Nikolai wanted to be a man worth knowing. Worth being known by Elliot. Even if very soon Elliot didn't need him,couldn’t want to keep him… Nikolai still wanted to be worth being known.

Maybe… maybe they could be casual friends or acquaintances in the future. Nikolai would take what he could get.

Either way, if he wanted to beworthElliot, Nikolai couldn’t drown his sorrows in a bottle. Elliot deserved better out of the people he surrounded himself with.

Nikolai poured himself a tall, cold glass of water instead and took it and himself to the living room. He turned on the TV and pulled up Checklists and resolved that he would stop dreaming of something he couldn’t have.

Chapter 23: Elliot

The Fall Artisan Festival banner hung high above the street, decorated in leaves. It was early morning, but the street was already bustling with people. Alex had dropped them off a block away to avoid all the traffic, and now they were strolling in under the large orange banner.

Alex and Pyotr would be following at a discreet distance just in case, but Elliot… wasn’t worried.

How incredible to not beworriedabout going out. The thought made him giddy.

It was especially cool this morning, so Elliot was dressed in a sweater and jeans. Nikolai at his side had also gone with a sweater, a dark maroon, and the rich color made his pale skin and dirty blond hair stand out. He was freshly shaven, wearing several gold chain necklaces that matched simple gold earrings, and he looked sohandsome.

Nikolai looked like one of those men in a fashion spread, expensive and suave. The kind of man who would never be seen at Elliot’s side.

But Nikolaiwaswith Elliot right now. And even if it was because they were doing this fake dating thing, Elliot was still determined to have a good time. He was determined to enjoy his time with Nikolai while he still had it, even if it was all pretend.

“Maybe we start here?” Nikolai suggested when they came to a stop beneath the banner. “Then go down this side and back up other side?”

“Sure,” Elliot said, finally wrenching his gaze away from Nikolai to look around. The festival was busy already, even though they’d gotten here early to beat the really large crowds. Alive band was playing jazz in the distance, and Elliot could smell three different kinds of food being prepared nearby.

His stomach rumbled. They’d skipped breakfast with the idea of finding food here. Which meant they should definitely track down at least some coffee soon. He didn’t want Nikolai to go without.

Elliot looked over the nearest booths, one of which appeared to be serving baked goods. That was as good a start as any.

“That one?” Nikolai asked, nodding in the direction of the stall.

“Yeah,” Elliot said, smiling at him. “Smells good.”

Nikolai’s hand landed on the small of Elliot’s back, and Elliot only just stopped himself from sighing at the touch. He was getting more comfortable with Nikolai touching him, which meant that he could enjoy touches like this one now, for all that he knew they were performative.

Nikolai made him feel protected. Safe. And Elliot was going to take everything he could get, for as long as he could get it.

The scent of baked bread wafted up as they drew nearer to the stall. Elliotcouldmake breads and cookies and pies, and he did so happily, for Nikolai, but he much preferred the creative aspects of cooking to the exactness of baking. If given the option, he’d much rather buy from a real baker.

When they got to the booth, Nikolai stayed close, and they both peered into the plexiglass case that ran the length of the table, packed with all kinds of baked goods.

“You see something you like?” Nikolai asked.

Elliot’s gaze had landed on an egg, bacon, and pecorino danish. He pointed it out to Nikolai.

“Looks good,” Nikolai said, nodding with approval. “Anything else?”

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