Page 154 of Pistols and Plush Toys

“Oh,” Nikolai said, looking as though he’d been bowled over.

“There’s… there’s also dessert.” Elliot tried not to sound too proud of that, but he couldn’t help it. He’d done it, and Nikolailiked it, and–

“What is dessert?” Nikolai asked.

“Kuchen,” Elliot said. “Dessert might taste different from the original recipe just because of margarine differences. I tried to get it as close as possible, but I’ve never had her kuchen so it’s hard to gauge if what I was doing was right—”

He was babbling. He shut his mouth.

Nikolai blinked at him once, then twice. Then a smile spread across his features and he laughed suddenly, the sound coming deep from his belly. A hand came up to wipe at his face, across his eyes.

“I cannot believe… you would give me such gift.” Nikolai’s voice was rough.

“I’m—I’m glad you like it,” Elliot said, the butterflies in his stomach flapping faster. “I wasn’t sure–I don’t want to disrespect your grandmother’s memory.”

Nikolai was already shaking his head. “No, she would love you making her recipes. She was always trying to teach me. She loved cooking and–?????? ????.”

Then Nikolai was picking up the spoon again.

“I’m glad,” Elliot said, cheeks aching from smiling, and he picked up his own spoon.

Nikolai made a rumbling-pleased sound at the next bite, and Elliot almost gasped to hear it, to hear Nikolai’s obvious pleasure at something Elliot had tried to make so special. Elliot always loved watching Nikolai enjoying his food, loved how Nikolai’s praise would trickle pleasantly down his spine, but this time it felt like—more.

It didn’t take long for Nikolai to finish his first bowl, and before Elliot could offer him a second, he was already up and excusing himself to get it himself.

“??????? used to make this in winter,” Nikolai said conversationally as he returned with his second portion. “There was butcher nearby that had good prices on lamb, so she would get her biggest pot and make it. She made with vegetables she had in cellar, whatever needed to be used up. It was very good always. Warm, after cold days.”

“Her food sounds really special,” Elliot said.

“Is what I remember most of childhood, her food,” Nikolai said. “She was very good. Honest woman. Did not like my father’s business. She never let him buy her anything with his money.”

Nikolai’s shoulders dipped and he set his spoon down with a sigh. “She would not be proud of me,” he said softly.

“What?” Elliot asked. “Why?”

“She is telling me she never want me to be in family business,” Nikolai said heavily. “But I am like my father now. She would be unhappy.”

Elliot felt a hot rush of anger on Nikolai’s behalf. “You arenothinglike your father,” he said, the words tumbling out. “Y-you’re kind, and you make me feel safe and… and I think she would be proud of you, of this life you’ve built, despite yourfather. I think she would understand the position you’re in. How hard you try to be good.”

“Thank you,” Nikolai said, giving him a small smile. “I’m happy you think I’m not… bad man.”

“Never,” Elliot said with feeling. “I could never. I know you too well now.”

Nikolai chuckled, some of the melancholy leaving him. “You are not believing my scary reputation anymore?”

“No,” Elliot said with so much warmth, “You and Gerard, you look big and scary, but then you let tiny adorable goats climb all over you.”

Nikolai snorted. “I have never let goat on me.” Then he was picking up his spoon again, going in for another bite.

“What about a sheep?” Elliot asked cheekily.

Nikolai met his eyes and there was a teasing amusement there. “Maybe I would let sheep climb me, if he was small enough.”

Elliot smiled into his bowl, cheeks hot.

When they’d both eaten enough chanakhi to be full, Elliot collected their bowls, then went to get the dessert. He carefully cut the kuchen and plated two slices.

“I hope this is also… good,” Elliot said as he set the plate down in front of Nikolai. The kuchen had firmed up in the refrigerator, and was now a creamy looking cheesecake consistency on pie crust.

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