Page 176 of Pistols and Plush Toys

Nikolai gave a tentative lick at the seam of his lips, and Elliot sighed, letting him in. Nikolai's tongue slid against his, hot and wet. Elliot shivered.

Immediately, Nikolai froze, then withdrew.

“No, I’m–I want it,” Elliot said, clutching at Nikolai’s shirt.

Nikolai kissed him soft, thumb brushing Elliot’s cheek again. “You are sure? I’m not wanting to hurt you.”

“You wouldn’t—couldn’t hurt me,” Elliot said, and he meant it.

Nikolai kissed him again, fiercely now, tongue slipping back into Elliot’s mouth, tasting him. Elliot heard himself make a thin sound as he pressed closer still. He felt like he was made of butterflies.

The kisses stayed slow, spooling out between them. It was exciting the way Nikolai held him close, like Elliot was precious. He’d never been kissed like this before, and he sank into it, not wanting it to end.

After a long, long time, Nikolai pulled back. “Elliot.” His voice was a low rasp, and Elliot felt a pulse of arousal just to hear his name like that. “We should stop before I’m going too far.”

Elliot licked his own kiss-swollen lips.

“Are you stopping because you want to, or because you’re worried about me?” Elliot asked.

Nikolai’s hand pet through his hair and down to his nape. “I’m not wanting to do anything that hurts you.”

“You’re not hurting me,” Elliot said. He pressed a kiss to Nikolai’s cheek. “Will you trust me to tell you if you are?”

“Yes,” Nikolai said at once. “I’m sorry, I am wanting to trust you, I’m just…” he trailed off, his brows knitting together.

Elliot reached a finger up to smooth over them, and the lines of Nikolai’s face softened. “I know,” Elliot said. “You’vebeen taking care of everyone for so long, it’s what you fall back on. But you don’t scare me or hurt me. You make me feel good. I can remind you as many times as it takes, okay?”

He watched Nikolai swallow, felt the tenderness of his gaze. “Okay,” Nikolai said hoarsely.

“So it’s okay if we…?” Elliot’s hand wandered down Nikolai’s face to his throat, and to the hem of his shirt.

“Whatever you want is okay,” Nikolai said. His good hand reached to cover Elliot’s. “What it is you want?”

Elliot knew he needed to put at least some of it into words. He needed to be brave.

“I want to be close to you,” Elliot said. “I want…”

His thoughts went back to the night before, to the way Nikolai had made him feel good. He wanted that, but more. He wanted it to be both of them. He wanted to feel as close to Nikolai as he could get.

“I want you to be with me this time,” Elliot said.

“Okay,” Nikolai said, smile curling around his mouth.

“And I don’t want anything between us.” Elliot felt his face flame saying that, but his fingers tugged at the hem of Nikolai’s shirt meaningfully.

“Okay,” Nikolai said again, as if it was that simple.

They broke apart just enough to get the bottom of Nikolai’s shirt pulled up. They worked together to get it off, and then Elliot reached for the bottom of his own. The shirt came off, and when he looked Nikolai was sitting up, his eyes on Elliot in the darkened room.

Elliot licked his lips, reaching for his bravery again as he fiddled with the drawstring of his pants.

Both of them were still partially under the blankets, which helped as Elliot shimmied off the pants and then dropped them over the side of the bed. Nikolai did his own, but slower. Elliot almost offered to help, but his shyness stopped him.

He wanted this, but still felt nervous. He hadn’t been with anyone else in so long…

“Hey,” Nikolai said, drawing his attention back.

Elliot realized that his breathing had turned harsh, his hand clutched tightly at the comforter.

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