Page 44 of Pistols and Plush Toys

Elliot turned to Nikolai, hugging the pencils to his chest.

Nikolai rubbed the back of his neck. “I know you have puzzle book, but I’m thinking maybe you like other kinds? So you are not so much bored.”

“Thank you,” Elliot choked out. “Thank you so much.” The gift was shocking. Nikolai could have easily gotten Elliot a single sudoku or crossword book and called it a day. He didn’t have to do anything like this.

Elliot had gotten so, so many gifts from Mattia in the time they’d been together, but none of them had hit him like this. None of them had felt so personal. So attuned to his interests. Even when Mattia had bought Elliot cooking accoutrement, Mattia hadn’t consulted Elliot about the purchases. He’d picked those things out himself.

Puzzle books weren’t expensive, this was all probably under fifty dollars worth of books, but it still–

He bit his lip when he felt it wobble, and tore his gaze away. There was something wrong with him that a few puzzle books made him feel like he wanted to cry.

There was something wrong with him that he liked a gift from his kidnapper more than any gift he’d ever gotten from his boyfriend.

Nikolai cleared his throat. “You like?”

“Yeah,” Elliot said after swallowing. “Yes, this is—thank you. This is really great.”

“I’m not thinking you will be here to do so many puzzles,” Nikolai said, “But you can take them with you when you go, okay? Little gift from me.”

Just like that, Elliot’s stomach twisted unpleasantly again. Right. When he left.

To go back to Mattia.

He took a breath. Now was as good a time as any to ask.

“Um,” he started. “Actually I… I wanted to ask. About what you said earlier. A-about Mattia.”

Nikolai grimaced. “Which part?”

Elliot licked his lips. “About how he’s… killed people before. Is that… is that really true?”

He saw it on Nikolai's face before the man nodded. “Is true.”

It wasn’t any more devastating to hear the second time around. This time Elliot was only angry with himself that he’d been so blind. “Oh.”

Nikolai watched him silently as Elliot struggled to stay in control of himself. As he fought to ask his next question.

“Does he…” Elliot could only whisper it. “Does he hurt them first?”

Will he hurt me, first?

An emotion passed over Nikolai’s face that Elliot couldn’t name. Then Nikolai opened his mouth again. “Most times,” he said.

Elliot nodded, biting his lip. “Have… you? Killed someone?”

He watched in real time as Nikolai's face went blank. He looked suddenly exactly as he had the first time they’d met. Cold-blooded. Ruthless. Not the type of man who had gifted Elliot half a dozen puzzle books.

“Nevermind,” Elliot said quickly. “Sorry I–I wasn’t thinking. I–sorry—”

Nikolai held up a hand to stop the babbling, and Elliot couldn’t help the way he flinched back.

Nikolai dropped his hand, moving to instead cross his arms. “Is fine. You are here, and you know I make deals with Vitale family, who kill people.” Nikolai’s expression was still flat,but he met Elliot’s eyes. “Yes, I have killed before. A long time ago. I don’t do that anymore.”

“How long ago?” Elliot asked. He had no idea why he’d asked, what made him continue the questions, but there was an unevenness in Nikolai’s voice that spoke of pain, not—not victory or satisfaction, at having killed.

Maybe Elliot just wanted to know that if Nikolai did end up killing him too, there would be some remorse.

“Almost twenty-five years ago,” Nikolai said.

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