Page 47 of Pistols and Plush Toys

Nikolai supposed in a culinary education, Brooks had probably made it at least once. Was sushi something chefs learned in basic training, or was that a specialty thing? Maybe he could ask while they had lunch.

He groaned, hitting the button to finish the food order a little too hard. There he went again, thinking about Brooks. It was… not great. Not helpful. Brooks was here as temporary leverage, that was all.

Still, he thought about the man smiling when he talked about cooking. How thrilled he’d been about the puzzle books.

He sighed and opened up his email.

***

Nikolai should’ve felt better leaving the police department. He should have felt satisfied that at least that part was done, but all he felt as he walked to his car was irritated.

As a precautionary and practical measure, he’d come alone to give his statement and answer questions. He was grateful for it now though, that there was no one in his employ waiting forhim. That he could slide into the driver’s seat by himself and have a moment.

The thought of driving back home and having to make more calls, do more logistics, made him want to punch something. Being the boss was all fun and games until shit went down, and you were the one calling all the shots, making all the decisions. Everyone wanted–needed–to hear from you.

Stupidly,stupidlyall Nikolai wanted to do was go home, order something deep-fried that would make Meredith mad, and… share it with Brooks.

Brooks had picked up on Nikolai’s sour mood at lunch, shrinking in on himself and fumbling with his chopsticks. In an effort to draw him out, because Brooksstillwasn’t eating enough, Nikolai had asked him whether or not he’d ever studied sushi making.

As it turned out, Brooks did have experience making sushi, and he practically lit up as he regaled Nikolai with interesting facts on its preparation. Nikolai learned everything from how to season sushi rice to the different types of knives that were best for cutting the fish.

Brooks had even made a joke.He’d given Nikolai a tentative smile and said,“I actually know a lot about wielding a knife? But only if my opponent is destined for the dinner table.”Then he’d wrinkled his nose.“That means I’m not interested in using knives on people. Please don’t think I’m into cannibalism.”

It had startled a laugh out of Nikolai, and even Brooks had laughed, if in a much shyer way.

It had been pleasant to hear Brooks laugh. To see him at ease enough to tell a story, or make a joke. He’d been engaging and interesting and—and cute with that little wrinkle in his nose—

“?????´?,” Nikolai hissed, turning on his car with more force than necessary.

He didn’t have time for this. He had no fucking business thinking Brooks was cute, or that it was a bright spot in Nikolai’s day to hear him laugh or see him smile. There was absolutely no excuse for those thoughts. Nikolai was holding Brooks against his will. If—whenVitale cooperated, Brooks would be going back to him.

Even if the thought of Brooks going back to Vitale—Brooks, who still flinched at every loud noise and who had already been too fucking thin when he’d been brought in—made dread sink like a stone in Nikolai’s gut.

That dread had Nikolai turning his car in another direction instead of driving straight back home. Downtown, toward the shopping district. He’d purchased all of the puzzle books for Brooks online, but he just—

He just wanted to get Brooks something else.

Another apology for Nikolai's poor behavior yesterday. Something to offer…. offer comfort, since Nikolai was so poor at providing it.

He was being stupidly foolish. He told himself this as he pulled up in front of the upscale toy store. Nikolai shouldn’tbeproviding comfort to Brooks, who was dating Vitale, Nikolai’s enemy.

“It–it helps, knowing that about you. About your dad. That you’re not like him. Or… or like M-Mattia.”

He parked the car, got out, and marched toward the store.

It isn’t a big deal,he insisted to himself he walked toward the stuffed animal aisle. It was just like the puzzle books, just something Brooks might like.

It didn’t mean anything.

The store had tons of stuffed animals. Everything from tiny keychain things to enormous toys bigger than the averagechild who might be playing with them. It occurred to him then that he had no idea if Brooks had any preference in stuffed animals. Nikolai had only ever seen the one, the giraffe, and a dataset of one didn’t provide much information at all.

He walked down one side of the aisle back up the other. There were just so many. How was he supposed to choose?

After another two passes, he began to get annoyed with himself. Why was he even here? What was he doing? He had no idea if Brooks would even like this. He was just making a big fool of himself.

As Nikolai hit the edge of his patience, his hand snapped out and grabbed a teddy bear. It was approximately the same size as the giraffe, the fur velvety soft in his hands. The bear looked like a basic teddy bear, so maybe it was a safe choice?

Stop thinking about it.

---