Page 52 of Pistols and Plush Toys

And painfully, embarrassingly personal.

That first day when Nikolai had pulled Apricot out of his backpack, Elliot had wanted to curl up and die on the spot. The comments Mattia had made about his stuffed animals had been cuttingly painful, so he couldn’t imagine what some stranger who wanted to hurt him would say.

But Nikolai had said nothing. Done nothing but tuck Apricot back away.

Nikolai had seen Apricot again the day he’d burst in and hauled Elliot out of bed. In the bathroom he’d seen Nikolai's eyes go to it. He’d seen him take in Elliot clutching his plush giraffe tightly.

Nikolai hadn’t said anything then, either. Elliot had expected it, braced for it, and it hadn’t come.

Now there was this–a gifted teddy bear.

He’d slept with the bear last night, tucked up under his chin, its soft fur brushing his skin. The bear was bigger than Apricot, and he was nice to hold. Nice to… cuddle with. Elliot didn’t really get to cuddle. Mattia was very sexual, but he wasn’t into softer touches.

Elliot had sometimes initiated sex with Mattia himself just to have someonetouchhim.

Now Elliot looked at the bear in his arms, as if its dark glass eyes would reveal Nikolai's motivations.

But the bear didn’t talk. The bear couldn’t tell him why it had been purchased. Couldn’t tell him what Nikolai had been thinking.

He wanted to expect cruelty. That was almost easier. It made more sense if Nikolai had given it to him as a joke. As a way to set him up, catch him cuddling with a stuffed animal like a child and then use it against him somehow.

But Elliot was having a harder and harder time imagining Nikolai hurting him for real. Even that morning he’d burst into Elliot’s room furious… Nikolai hadn’t reallyhurthim. He’d yanked Elliot around a bit, and Elliot had skinned his own knee stumbling to keep up with Nikolai’s angry gait, but Nikolai hadn’thithim. Mattia hadblown upone of Nikolai’s businesses and hurt people and Nikolai hadn’t punished Elliot for it.

Instead, he’d apologized multiple times and—and bought Elliot a soft plush bear.

Now Elliot thought that maybe he’d been wrong before. He’d thought that Nikolai and Mattia got angry the same way and apologized the same way. But that didn’t seem to be it, really. Nikolai had only—rightfully—lost his temper after Mattia had done something truly terrible. He’d beenhurtingalmost more than he was angry. And he’d apologized with his words first, before tending to Elliot’s scraped knee carefully.

He hadn’t told Elliot that it was Elliot’s fault either, for making him upset.

Nikolai was… accommodating. He didn’t act like he was lying in wait to try to trip Elliot up.

Instead, at meals, Nikolai asked him about food. Encouraged Elliot to talk about his passion. Asked follow-up questions, even. Made small talk. It was… it was easier to talk, now that Elliot wasn’t as worried he’d be backhanded for it. It was easier to eat and keep the food down, now that he wasn’t so sick with anxiety.

Elliot hugged the bear. The one thing theyhadn’ttalked about was Mattia. How negotiations were going.

He dreaded to know. Partially because now he was no longer sure if he was more afraid of staying here indefinitely or—going back home.

Of course he wouldn’t behereforever. Even if things didn’t end up going anywhere with Mattia, Elliot didn’t… he didn’t think Nikolai would kill him for it. Not anymore.

At the end of this, Elliot would be going back to Mattia. One way or another.

There would just be so manyconsequenceswhen he went back. He shuddered and squeezed his eyes shut. There was something wrong with him that the idea of staying with his kidnapper was becoming more appealing by the day.

Then again, what kind of kidnapper went and bought their hostage a teddy bear? A nice, high end, luxuriouslysoftteddy bear.

Elliot sighed and opened his eyes again to regard the bear.

“What should your name be?” He asked, voice quiet. He knew he shouldn’t be too loud, even though no one else was there to hear him. Elliot had been too loud his whole life, first with his parents and then with Mattia.

Besides, he shouldn’t be shouting about the fact that he was talking to his toy bear anyway.

But a name was important. It felt important to name the bear. Elliot’s stuffed animals usually got names relevant to their animal counterparts, but he didn’t have his phone to look up any bear facts. All he kept coming back to with the bear was how fancy he was. It even had a silk handkerchief tied around its neck.

“Richie?” He tried, feeling it out. “Sir Wealthington the Third?”

It made him laugh, trying to imagine Nikolai’s expression if Elliot told him the bear was named Sir Wealthington the Third. What would Nikolai even say to that?

How childish.

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