Page 59 of Pistols and Plush Toys

Elliot nodded, biting down on his lip so hard that the pain distracted him from the burning behind his eyes. He couldn’t cry now. He couldn’t do anything but show Mattia how—how grateful he was to be home. He couldn’triskanything else.

He uncapped the lubricant, poured some into his palm, and forced himself through the prep, quick and efficient, heart thundering in his ears.

“That’s enough,” Mattia said eventually, the sharpness of his voice making Elliot jolt. “Show me why you were worth all the trouble to bring home.”

Elliot nodded. He felt himself pulling inwards, backing away from reality, leaving his body to work on autopilot. He’d done it like this dozens of times before, and it was sickeningly familiar. He’d just disappear, close himself away so he could get through it.

His thoughts quieted as he started to move, as he followed the barked directions. He let his eyes flutter closed, as if in pleasure. It made it easier, not to have to see anything.

Time spun out, untethered. The air in the room was thick and he tried to block out Mattia’s grunted pleasure.

This was going to be his new life now. Without any of the naïveté and glamour he’d been holding onto before. Everythingabout Mattia had been stripped to its bare bones, and all of it horrified him.

He couldn’t do this.He couldn’t do this.

He had to. What was he going to do? Run away?

Mattia would never even let him step outside again. His penthouse was like a fortress, and if he locked Elliot in…

Viciously, Elliot shoved those thoughts away. He felt on the edge of breaking just contemplating it. He couldn’t think about the future. There was just this, whatever moment he was in now, and the task of getting through it.

“I thought I told you to show me that you’re happy to be home,” Mattia said all of a sudden. Elliot’s eyes flew open, and he could see the anger there. “But you don’tlookvery happy. I’m not seeing any enthusiasm here, babe.”

Oh no.

Mattia’s face clouded further, voice going dark. “Makes me wonder if you did get up to something when you were with the Russians. There’s not a mark on you—why is that, El?”

“I—” It was all Elliot could get out before his throat closed up.

“Doesn’t look like you put up much of a fight,” Mattia sneered. “Were you lying to me? Are you sure you didn’t let themhaveyou?”

“No,” Elliot gasped out. “I-I didn’t!”

Mattia growled and shoved him off, using his speed and strength to put Elliot on his back on the bed. Elliot made a surprised sound, but Mattia was up a moment later, bullying himself between Elliot’s legs.

“No?” Mattia said, punctuating the word with a thrust, his fingers digging into Elliot’s hips, hard enough to bruise. “You didn’t let them fuck you?”

Elliot shook his head fanatically. “No, I promise.”

Mattia glared down at him. “Why should I believe you?”

“I wouldn’t,” Elliot forced out, unable to stop the tears now. His breath was coming too short, panic swelling to fill his chest. “I would never, Mattia, please—”

“Are you really going to cry right now?” Mattia snarled. “Fucking pathetic. Do you know how much time and money I put into getting you out of there? Into bringing you home?”

Elliot gasped on a hiccuping breath. He didn’t know what to say, how to pacify him. Maybe there was nothing he could say.

“I’m sorry,” he choked on a sob. “I’m sorry.”

That only made Mattia angrier. “You haven’t even begun to be sorry,” he snapped. “You were already trouble,” Mattia’s hands came up to wrap themselves around Elliot’s throat. “Even before you got yourself taken, you weren’t cutting it. Maybe that’s on me. Maybe I just need to be harder on you, make sure youlearn this time.”

The hands around his throat tightened, and Elliot choked on reflex.

Mattia’s eyes were like flint, staring down at him. There was a dark glee there, one that Elliot had seen before, but he knew now just how cruel that side of Mattia could go. Pure terror zipped down his spine, and his heart felt like it was trying to run away in his chest. He tried to suck in a breath and couldn’t with the hands squeezing around his neck.

“Yeah,” Mattia said with dark pleasure. “We’ll just start over. I’ll make you better. Some tough love.”

Elliot could barely concentrate, mouth gasping for air he couldn’t get. Spots danced in his vision.

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