Page 77 of Pistols and Plush Toys

He flushed all over again to remember it. The way Nikolai had then put Sheep to his skin, brushing over all of his injuries as though dropping kisses there.

It had felt… intimate. Even though Nikolai hadn’t touched Elliot with his own hands, he’d stilltouchedElliot. So softly. In a way that had somehow made Elliot feel like he was worthy.Like he actually deserved to be treated with… with gentleness.

When was the last time he’d had someone treat him gently?

Elliot pulled Sheep onto his lap, stroking his fingers through its fluff. It was different from Apricot, its fur fluffier, woolier, especially around its round, squishy middle.

And Sheep wassosoft. Elliot found himself stroking over and over the fur just to relive the sensation of Sheep’s nose stroking across his skin.

Nikolai had been so careful with him, easing the tension out of his shoulders as Sheep inspected his hurts. It had made Elliot want to weep from the tenderness of it.

The only time Nikolai had touched him with his hands had been to spread the bruise cream. He’d been careful then too, covering the bruising but not lingering. Not turning the moment into something inappropriate. Not taking advantage of Elliot’s vulnerability. He’d been so grateful for it. So glad to not have something new to fear.

The cream had helped, too. Sinking into his skin and chasing away the ache.

Elliot set Sheep down in his lap and picked up his new phone. He still couldn’t really believe that Nikolai had gotten him one. It made anxiety roil within him, because he couldn’t pay Nikolai back for it. And he already owed Nikolai so much.

He knew what Mattia would have expected of him, for such a gift.

But Nikolai wasn’t Mattia. They were nothing alike. And nothing about Nikolai’s actions had made Elliot feel as though the man… wanted something from him.

Nothing except…

I’m wanting you safe.

Elliot swallowed. Suddenly he felt jittery with the desire todosomething. A way he could give back to Nikolai for his kindness, for offering safety and Sheep and—everything. Something to show gratitude, appreciation, even if it was something small and insignificant, just like he was.

His gaze shifted to the door. He hadn’t left the room on his own yet, despite not being locked inside.

Taking a deep breath, Elliot tucked Sheep back under his covers with Apricot and got up out of the bed, apprehensively moving toward the door.

He crept out of the bedroom with the feeling like he was doing something wrong, practically holding his breath as he tip-toed through the house. He didn’t want to be too loud,neverwanted to be too loud, and Nikolai had said Elliot wouldn’t be disturbing him, but this was still Nikolai’s space.

He’d just check the living room. And if Nikolai wasn’t there, he’d retreat back to the bedroom—his bedroom—but Elliot could at least check a common area.

When Elliot reached the living room, he quietly let out the breath he was holding to find Nikolai there. He couldn’t dream of bothering the man in his own room or his office, but if hewas out in the open like this, maybe he’d be okay with Elliot interrupting him.

Still, Elliot hesitated. Nikolai was facing away from him, sitting on a long, comfortable looking sectional with a laptop in his lap. He was tapping at his computer, brows furrowed in concentration, and he was in short sleeves again, his muscled biceps and forearms on display. As were his scars.

Elliot swallowed at the reminder of the violence Nikolai had lived through. The terrible way he’d been treated as a child, how it still followed him now, into adulthood. Nikolai’s life was one filled with violence. Violence and pain.

But he’d been furious at the thought of innocent people being hurt, when Mattia had blown up his store. He’d seemed… upset over the fact that Elliot had been hurt by Mattia as well.

And he’d treated Elliot so carefully, every touch gentle.

For a long moment, there was only the sound of tapping on the keyboard and the gentle sound of Nikolai’s bracelets clinking together as he typed. Then Nikolai seemed to feel the presence of eyes on him, and he looked up from the screen.

“Elliot,” he said. He sounded surprised but not upset. “Everything okay?”

Elliot nodded. He was still standing awkwardly in the entrance to the living room, so he made himself step in.

“Yeah,” he said, rubbing at his arm. “Um, Dr. Williams left, and I was just thinking… it’s lunch time.”

“Oh, yes?” Nikolai's eyes flickered down to his screen, then back to Elliot. “You are hungry?” He asked, sounding… hopeful? “I’m can order something.”

It took everything in him not to fidget. “Actually, I was wondering if I could cook something? For us?”

“Are you hurting?” Nikolai asked, frowning.

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