Page 66 of Reputation
“What was that?”
Removing the pillow, strands of blonde hair covered her face.“I said, I don’t knowww,” Eavie repeated pathetically, drawing out the word.She blew a raspberry with her lips.“That’s why I called you.I’m so fucking confused.”Sitting up, she leaned back against the headboard, hugging the pillow to her chest.“Joyce,what do I do?I cannot sleep with him, but…fuck,I was so close to literally throwing myself at him.”
“I mean, I don’t really know, babe.”Joyce said.“It seems like no matter what you do, you can’t stay away from him.”
“Ugh, I know.”
“Look, Eavie.At some point, I think you’re going to have to make a decision.”
“What do you mean?”Eavie asked, brows drawing down.
“Either talk to Jax and be clear about why you can’t be with him.Or…buy a new set of that fancy lingerie you love and let yourself have some hot, wild, incredibly dirty sex with him.”At Eavie’s opened mouth expression, Joyce laughed.“You know, get it out of your system?”
“I have a feeling that would be a terrible idea.”
“Well, one way or another, you need to remove that man from your life, because as you said, legally, your contract prohibits it.So either draw the line and make it clear to him or just let the steam out.”
Eavie chewed on her lower lip, considering.“What if…” she began, swallowing as she turned to look out the window.“What if one night with him doesn’t let the steam out?”Her heart raced as she voiced one of her biggest worries.Something told her it wouldn’t bejustone night when it came to Jax Morghan.
“I don’t know, babe.I can’t figure this out for you,” replied Joyce sympathetically.“But you do have a decision to make.”
How was she supposed to choose between him and her job?When it came down to it, those were her only options.If she chose to date him—because let’s face it, it would not be one night—she risked being fired, denied the offer of the permanent role, burning her reputation and references in the process.If that happened, she had little hope she would find another position within the industry.Not to mention, all the hours and hard work she’d put into getting here would be consumed in the flames of that decision.
Besides her own rules about getting involved with people she worked with, which was an all-around smart idea, she had sworn off guys like him since the day her reputation was left in tatters during her senior year of high school.She still remembered the humiliation of being the school’s central gossip topic.She had promised herself that she would never be in a situation where it could happen again.
Between her job and her past, there were too many complications here.Which meant, no matter how much Eavie wanted to, there was no chance she and Jax would ever be more than friends.
Reluctantly, she resigned herself to the fact she needed to figure out how to cool the heat between them.
Eavie tried to focus on working, but her mind kept wandering to the problem staring her in the face like a flashing red light.Finally, after endless unproductive minutes, Eavie slammed her laptop closed and pulled out her AirPods.Selecting a playlist, she rested her head back and stared out the window at the clouds, rolling the issue around in her mind for the rest of the flight.
She wanted him—that was humiliatingly obvious.And God, it had been so long since she’d had an orgasm, even a battery-operated one.She didn’t know how, exactly, that had happened.She must have felt an urge at some point over the last few months.After her last breakup, she guessed that part of her must have settled into a quiet slumber after being ignored for so long.It waited, deep inside her, ready to reawaken at the chemistry that had flared like a volcano when she met Jax.And now, it refused to go back to sleep until it was satisfied.
But what the hell was she supposed to do?It was too dangerous for her professional reputation.To add in the fact that Jax was a known player should have doused the flame inside her long ago.
That was another thing.Although she’d learned he showed the world someone different, hiding who he really was, he still entertained a rotation of women.She may have seen the kind, caring, protective man underneath, but in the end, he was still a womanizer, and she would not risk her career to be another notch in his bedpost.
Unfortunately, the knowledge did nothing against the onslaught of feelings Jax elicited from her.
Why him?What was so special about him?There was no such thing as fate, or destiny, or whatever romance books and movies convinced women existed in the real world.There was no wayhecould be theoneright person for her.It was ridiculous, folly…fantastical!She was not foolish enough to believe she had found her Prince Charming.
Just the thought made Eavie roll her eyes.But it also made her feel a little…sad.Despite being a realist and a feminist, the girl who grew up believing in heroes and princes wished life could be like a fairy tale.
She blinked away the melancholy and forced herself to move on from the pity party in her mind.She needed to decide what she wanted to do.
Dating him wasn’t possible, and she didn’t believe she couldjustsleep with him and be happy with it.She enjoyed talking with him.He was surprisingly engaging.If he were anyone else, she would consider being friends with him.But then again, if he were anyone else, dating him wouldn’t be an issue, and she probably would have already slept with him.Hell, she would have been in his bed the night they met.
Being friends meant being around him, which was part of the problem.Instead of desensitizing him to her, the more she was around him, the more her need for him grew.
Her mind spun round and round for the rest of the flight.By the time they landed in LA, she had made absolutely no progress on the issue.No matter how many times she provided herself with the arguments as to why she could not be with him, her heart refused to accept them.
Shaking Molly awake, she gathered her bag and led the team off the plane.The drive to the hotel was short, and they soon pulled up to one a few blocks from where the Royals would play the LA Titans on Saturday.
The group stumbled off the bus and up to their rooms.Eavie and Molly had separate ones this time, across the hall from each other.Eavie didn’t mind, though.She could use some solitude to figure her shit out.
The following day, she spent her morning hiking the Hollyridge trail, the only company her own frustrating, inconsistent thoughts.Instead of it being a relaxing hike to help her release the tension and disheartenment that had built up inside her, she still felt confused andfucking horny.
Goddammit!Could she not get a break for justone bloody day?
