Page 92 of You're So Vine
“Okay, take me to Mom’s,” he says. “It’s only one night. I’ll hit the road in the morning.”
I nod. “Meet me at the truck. Ava can get a ride home with Nate and Shelby. Give me a minute to make my goodbyes and I’ll see you out there.”
* * *
At this time of night, it’s a pretty quick trip to Lee’s. Quiet, too. I’m not much of a talker and Jackson, who usually is, sits with his head turned away, staring out the window into the dark.
I start thinking about Ava. Tonight was meant to be a celebration, her family and me, all of us grateful that she doesn’t have a life-threatening illness. I’d been so hung up about meeting her parents that I hadn’t thought past dinner. But now I’ve got time, and I can see that I’m missing out on a chance for the two of us to celebrate together. Just Ava and me, alone. In the warmth and comfort of my bed. By the time I get back, she’ll be asleep, and I won’t want to wake her. She’s been through the ringer these past few days. She needs a good night’s rest.
Tomorrow morning … that’s a different story. A whole new day that will feel like the start of a new stage in our relationship. It occurs to me that I have no clue what it might feel like not to have Ava’s health hanging over us. We’ve been in this worried bubble, almost frozen in time, waiting. Not that I’m complaining. I love Ava, and to my amazement, I think she actually loves me back. But we haven’t talked about our plans, not a bit. I don’t even know if she intends to stay.
And what do Iwant?
This is a question I’ve never truly asked myself. When I was fifteen, I decided the army was for me and I went to it without a second’s thought that there might be other paths to go down. The years I was in the army, I lived from day to day. No point in making plans when you have so little control over your fate. And when that career abruptly ended, I was lost. All my bearings were gone. I had no sense of who I was, or what I had to offer the world, if anything. It’s taken me almost ten years to get most of that back, but I still live day to day, job to job, barrel to barrel.
That’s why I’ve never had a steady relationship. I couldn’t picture a future. Couldn’t see ahead to a time where I somehow became a partner, a husband, maybe even a father. None of that seemed like it could ever become real.
Does it now that I’ve met Ava? Now that I’ve allowed myself to love without holding back, for the first time ever in my life?
I glance across at Jackson. Still staring out the window. My guess is he’s wondering why everything’s going downhill for him. He’s young, smart, and capable, so why hasn’t luck gone his way? At his age, he should be rising the career ladder, buying a house, getting married, having kids. Living the middle-class American dream…
But who knows better than me that the universe doesn’t give a damn about your dreams? The best-laid plans can be upended in a second, your life exploded into a million pieces, with no certainty that you can pick them all up and start again.
The Dodge’s rumble is loud enough for Lee to hear it coming. When we pull up outside, she’s in her open front door, waiting. I get out first and her expression is puzzled and concerned, as it might be at this hour. But then the passenger door opens, and Jackson steps reluctantly onto the driveway. Lee flicks me a quick look of inquiry and I nod, but I’m only confirming what she already knows. Her son needs her help. She goes to meet him, as he stands there, hangdog, and puts her arm through his and leads him inside. I think they’ve both forgotten about me, and that’s okay, but Lee looks back over her shoulder as they walk through into the house, smiles a thank you. I wait until the door shuts before I get back in the truck.
With Lee’s support, I believe Jackson can pull himself out of this hole. He’ll find a direction and set a new course. One full of possibility and achievement.
And if I can believe that, then I’ve got no excuse not to put the same faith in myself.
ChapterThirty-One
AVA
“Ifeel so guilty,” Shelby wails for the five hundredth time on the drive back to the vineyard. “I should have realized there was something wrong.”
“How?” says Nate. “From our wedding day right up until tonight, he’s been all jokes and smiles.”
“But you don’t know Jackson like I do! I should have looked closer.”
My turn to comment. “If someone’s determined to hide how they’re feeling, they can usually manage it.”
“Especially if you’re a Durant,” says Nate. “Our poker faces are legendary.”
“Except you totally have a tell,” I say.
“I do not,” Nate retorts. “That’s just a pathetic tactic to unsettle me. Give it up. You’ll never win.”
“See, Shelby?” I say. “This is an example of a healthy brother and sister relationship.”
“Stop trying to cheer me up,” Shelby sniffles. “I’m worried.”
“Cam’s taking Jackson to your mom’s,” says Nate. “He’ll be in the best possible hands.”
“But Mom’s been acting weird, too!” Shelby wails again. “Nobody tells me anything!”
Nate catches my eye in the rearview mirror, signals a silent “Help.”
“Shelby, I’ve spent the last two months pretending I’m fine,” I tell her. “If I hadn’t fainted at your wedding, I’d still be pretending. Sometimes you have to wait until people are ready to talk.”
