Page 73 of Kiss My Glass
He looks me in the eye, and I see a muscle flex in his jaw, as if he’s already anticipated my next question.
“Did you and Mom…?”
“We were never lovers,” he says, immediately. “But I did try to kiss her once. She put me straight right away.”
Cam takes a deep breath. “I’m not asking for your forgiveness, Frankie,” he says. “Not sure I deserve that. I just wanted you to know that you never did anything wrong. You were forced to compete for your mom’s attention with a guy who knew how to play the emotional blackmail game like a pro. I’m not that guy anymore, but I’ve gotta accept that I was then. And deal with the consequences.”
Okay. Or not okay, I can’t tell. A small part of me knew all this already. I sensed it when it was happening, but I was too young to put a name to it. Too young to be brave enough to ask questions and demand answers. Too young not to believe that it was my fault my mom stopped loving me.
Better late than never? I’ll have to sit with that for a while. Sit with everything Cam’s told me.
I hug the pillow, rest my chin on it and turn my gaze inwards. Hear the little wooden chair creak as Cam gets up. I sense him hesitate, and screw my eyes shut, willing him to go away without another word. I’ve had enough.
He treads softly to the door and closes it behind him. I wait until I’m sure he’s gone before I let myself burst into tears.
ChapterForty
DANNY
Imight have put too much chili in the pasta sauce. Or not enough. Can’t tell. Can’t taste it. Ava made the salad and blanched the French beans. Everyone who’s left is eating and making appreciative noises. I’m eating, too, but on autopilot. All my attention is focused on what’s happening upstairs. Cam has been up there approximately four thousand years and I’ve died and been reborn way too many times over.
Thank fuck, I hear him on the stairs. Can he not walk at the speed of a normal human? We all look up the instant he enters the kitchen, so I’m not the only one who’s been on tenterhooks. I search his face, trying to work out how it went with Frankie, but Cam seems his usual reserved self. Though he does sit down a little heavily and Ava does reach her arm around to give him a quick hug. She and Cam gaze briefly at each other, and whatever he communicates is enough for Ava to smile at him and give him another comforting squeeze. Cool, great, awesome.Tell me what happened!
Finally, Cam turns my way. “I’d give her a few moments,” he says. “Let her work through it.”
“Work through what?” He’s making me insane. “What did you sayto her?”
“Something I ought to have said years back.”
Honestly, I’m going to stab him with this fork. Cam’s eyes drop to where I hold said utensil in a death grip, and he nods, slowly.
“Uh, I apologized for monopolizing her mom’s attention when she was growing up,” he says. “I was a selfish asshole back then.”
Okay. Thank you. Was that so fucking hard?
“So was I,” says Shelby, glumly and unexpectedly. “Except in my case, it was Dad’s attention. I should have seen that Frankie was being left out, but she was always such a private kid; it was hard to tell what was going on with her. I could have asked, though, and I didn’t. I owe her an apology, too.”
Nate blows out a breath. “Yeah, well, we all have regrets. Mine are old friends. They like to have a good long chat with me around three in the morning.”
“I’ve had to learn not to fight mine,” says Ava. “They’re like Arnold Schwarzenegger. If you don’t give in and accept them, they just keep coming back.”
I don’t know whether it’s the stress, but I feel like I’ve been beamed into a parallel universe. Us Durants never show weakness in front of each other! Nate spilling his guts to me at The Silver Saddle was the first time he’s ever confided in me to such an extent. And Ava? Accepting she has regrets? Who is this person sitting here and what has she done with my sister?
“I don’t have any regrets,” I say. “Not major ones, anyway!”
Both Nate and Ava stare at me, each with a small, knowing smile. Now that expression I’m used to, and my defenses immediately go up.
“Yes, you do,” says Nate.
“Oh, really?”
“Sure.” Ava piles on in. “For one, you regret not having a good relationship with Dad.”
That hits me square in the guts. I am so close to saying,Fuck you.But years of sparring with my siblings have honed my determination not to give an inch. Instead, I say, “You’re wrong.”
“I’m not judging you, Danny,” says Ava. “I’m really not.”
Her expression is open and sincere and I don’t believe her for a second.
