Page 90 of Kiss My Glass
She blows out a ragged breath, turns her head away. I sense it’s vital that I keep my mouth shut right now. Besides, I’ve no clue what to say.
When she turns to look at me again, her expression is calm. Too calm.
“I brought you my mom’s mac ’n’ cheese,” she says. “You should eat it before it gets cold.”
“Fuck the mac ’n’ cheese, Frankie.” I am very far from calm. “Can we talk about this?Please?”
“No,” she says, instantly. I see her mouth tremble again, just for a second, and then she throws up her hands, as if warding me off. “I’m sorry, Danny. I can’t. Not right now. Tomorrow, maybe…”
And before I can do or say anything to stop her, Frankie dashes out the door and slams it behind her.
Fuck. Ten minutes ago, I left like the luckiest guy on earth. Now, it looks as if every good thing in my life has to come with a price.
I try to tell myself that Frankie just needs time to process, and that she hasn’t made any kind of decision yet. But my brain’s having none of it. All I can feel is an overwhelming sense of, yet again, having failed. I can hear my dad telling me how disappointed he is that my shallow, ego-driven pursuit of minor celebrity has cost me something real and special. Yep, those would be my dad’s exact words: “shallow and ego-driven” and the absolute kicker “minor” celebrity. Mom would be kinder but she’d still sigh in that way that shows she’d hoped for better from me.
Shit, Danny. Get a grip. If you convince yourself the worst is going to happen, it probably will. Get through tonight and things will look better in the morning. In the meantime, eat the fucking mac ’n’ cheese.
I eat the fucking mac ’n’ cheese. Straight out of the casserole dish. It’s delicious and I resent every bite because Frankie’s not here with me, wearing that goddamn adorable dress. I wanted her to take off that goddamn adorable dress and stand in front of me looking goddamn adorably naked. I very much wanted us to do what I’m picturing right now, and I wish I’d bought beer for myself as well as Frankie, because getting blazed into a stupor seems to be the only way for me to stop thinking about her.
I could text her. To let her know that I’m thinking about her…
As if reading my mind, my phone pings, and I grab it, hoping like hell it’s a text from Frankie to says she’s changed her mind and is coming right back over.
It’s an email from my producer guy, subject line:We did it!I sit and stare at those words, and let their meaning sink in.
Yeah, we did, damn it. And Frankie’s right: itisimportant. Itisa big deal, and I should be proud that I made it happen. This will be my show, where I get a chance to share my expertise with the world. It will not be shallow or ego-driven. Okay, maybe a little ego-driven, but in a good way. I’ll get to talk about my passion, and what I really care about.
Thing is, I really care about Frankie, too. And it goddamn unadorably sucks that I might not be able to have both.
ChapterFifty-One
FRANKIE
Iwait in the darkness of the trees at the end of the path until I feel composed enough to go back in the house, and face Nate and my mom. Mom will pick up immediately if things are off with me, so I need to make sure I give nothing away. Luckily, I haven’t cried, so I won’t look red-eyed and tear-stained. And I’ve come up with a plausible cover story for why I’m back so quickly: Danny was indeed working on a deal, and so I decided to leave him to it.
As it happens, all my prep is unnecessary. Mom has already gone up to bed, and Nate is too preoccupied to pay me much attention. I sit down to watch TV but soon as I switch it on, up comes an ad for a cooking show featuring a handsome, young blond guy. I switch it right off again and head upstairs to lie on my bed, still in my stiff-skirted dress because I can’t be bothered taking it off.
I deserve to feel uncomfortable after how I behaved. I should never have run out on Danny like that. No matter how much his news threw me, I should have sucked it up and celebrated with him. Instead, I ruined it by being selfish. By focusing on how it made me feel.
Which was terrified. That one piece of news triggered all my fears and anxieties, and they came rushing over me in a giant horrific wave.
All I could think about was the publicity Danny and his new show would get. The media attention, the photos. All that scrutiny, of everything about him and his life. Because there I’d be for all to see. The fat girlfriend. The one who doesn’t deserve a handsome guy like that. The one from the wrong side of the tracks, who went to community college. A total outsider in the world of the wealthy. She’s nobody and nothing, and she’s overweight to boot. Whyherwhen rich, handsome Danny Durant could have his pick? He should be embarrassed by her.
I could hear all the cruel comments, every single one. The kind I read too many times online about other women. Okay, so I’m no stranger to unkind comments on the dating apps, but in this situation, comments about me will also be about Danny. And no matter how much he seems to care about me, he’ll also now have a public image, and he might start to care about how his choice in girlfriend reflects on that.
Speculation, not facts, Frankie. Do youreallybelieve Danny would care that much about his image? Or is this you employing your usual tactic of finding excuses to back away, so you don’t get hurt? Hesaidthe TV show wasn’t as important to him as you, so why can’t you trust that he means it? You can’t see into the future. No matter how convincing a picture you paint, you can’t know what it willreallybe like. The only way you’ll know what happens is to witness it – either from a distance or right there beside Danny. That’s your choice, isn’t it, Frankie, my girl? Back away or be there…
I could text him. Say sorry. Promise that we will talk tomorrow.
But then he’ll call me and we’ll have to talk right now, and I’m just not ready. My thoughts aren’t straight. My thoughts are, in fact, like cooked spaghetti that’s been left too long in the colander and become one giant congealed knot. Tangled up in there is more than fear of becoming a target for trolls. There’s the fear of leaving behind my old, safe, familiar life and starting a whole new one in a strange place. The fear of leaping too quickly into a commitment and finding I’ve made a mistake. The fear of losing my independence and identity. And all that’s fighting with the fact that I care about Danny. I care very much. I hate the idea of not having him in my life.
Back away or be there – that’s my choice. Better make it soon, because Danny and I don’t have much more time together. Shelby and Nate’s baby is coming on Friday, whether we’re ready or not.
ChapterFifty-Two
DANNY
Ithink about skipping breakfast with Nate, Frankie, and her mom, so I can spend more time getting my thoughts in order. But I’m here to help Nate and he needs me now more than ever. So, I square my shoulders and stroll into the kitchen as nonchalantly as I can. I needn’t have worried. Nate’s the only one there.
