Page 27 of Hooked On The One That Got Away
Charlie’s mouth was downturned in a way that made him look about twelve. ‘No,’ he said. ‘Maybe …’
He rolled on his back again and expelled a frustrated breath. ‘I just – I want you to think well of me,’ he said. ‘I want you to be proud of me. But I want that rightnow, and I can’t have it.’
It would be so easy, Willow thought, to tell him that she knew.But if she did, it would worry him, and Willow guessed he’d need to be fully focused this coming week.
That said, shedidhave one question that wasn’t directly related to his – what would you call it? Undercover mission? It also wasn’t the kind he was fishing for, but too bad. He was the one who’d brought the subject up.
‘Charlie, you really did break my heart when you left,’ she said, and saw him wince. ‘Amazingly enough, your very short note wasn’t enough to stop me from blaming myself and having themostmiserable year of my life. I understand everything you’ve said about confidentiality and risk, but could you not have given mesomekind of message? The occasional email from a fake address? Even an old-fashioned letter? One bunch of flowers on my bloodybirthday?’ Willow was breathing hard now. ‘Who would have found out about that?’
‘Fuck …’ Charlie screwed his eyes shut for a second, then looked at her.
‘I wasn’t allowed,’ he said. ‘I know, I know!’ he added, hastily, seeing Willow’s outrage. ‘I’m a grown-ass man and can make my own decisions, and Icouldhave found a way to message you – Icouldhave.’
He expelled a breath. ‘But I was afraid. That if I did, I’d put everything at risk. I’d never had such responsibility before, never had so many people counting on me. Never wanted tosucceedso badly, either …’
‘You put being a hero before me,’ said Willow quietly.
‘Fuck!’ Charlie yelled it to the ceiling. ‘Yes. Yes, I did. And I’m ashamed and sorry but also – fuck it.’
He propped himself up and frowned down at her, his jaw set. ‘Willow, you’ll probably get straight up and leave when I say this, and I wouldn’t blame you. But Iwillsay it –I would do it again. There’sno onemore important to me than you, but Ineededthis. I needed to feel like I wasn’t being crushed by the world, and by people who think that power gives them licence to do whatever they want. I’m averyordinary person withnospecial abilities, and I wanted to prove that people like me don’t have to roll over and take it. I’m not sure what the hell I’ll do next, but my life has changed forever, and I’m not going back. I want you with mesobadly, but I understand if that’s not whatyouwant.’ He paused, out of steam, breathing hard. ‘I’ll understand …’
Willow took her time to respond. She had to test out her feelings, poke around and see if there were any tender spots still, any lingering hurt. To her surprise, there was very little that flinched when she prodded it. Probably, she guessed, because she knew Charlie meant what he said. And that this time, he’d given her a choice, a say. She absolutely could remain resentful that he hadn’t done so the first time, and that he hadn’t put her first. Or she could move forward with him on a more equal footing. Because he would tell her everything from now on, wouldn’t he? He’d promised. No more secrets.
‘I’m still hurt and pissed off,’ she said to him. ‘But I’ll get over it.’
Charlie’s face was a picture of amazed relief. ‘Willow–’
She held up a warning finger. ‘One condition, though. Not negotiable.’
‘Okay?’
‘I want in,’ she told him. ‘Whatever it is you and your people are doing next, I want to be involved.’
More than I already am.Butshe decided to leave that unsaid for now. Besides, all she’d done so far was take pictures of dead fish. It wasn’t exactly John Le Carré.
‘But … you don’t know anything about our work,’ said Charlie, puzzled.
‘I know it’s important,’ said Willow. ‘I know it’s risky and that’s exciting. Terrifying, too, I’m sure, but I feel that if I can swim in a freezing river infested with murderous swans and boorish coxless fours, then I can handle anything.’
Charlie opened his mouth, then shut it again. ‘I – don’t know what to say,’ he finally managed. Followed soon after by, ‘Coxless fours?’
‘Joke writes itself, doesn’t it?’ said Willow. ‘Now, go get us snacks. I’m starving.’
Chapter Twenty
Monday came too fast, and then the rest of the week crawled by. Willow and Charlie had agreed not to contact each other until Charlie gave the okay. Willow decided she’d done her duty in the dead fish part of the river, so swam every morning in the stretch up to the lock. Then she busied herself at work, while constantly refreshing her local news sites to see if anything came up that was to do with sewage dumping. The closest she got was a dispute where one neighbour accused the other’s cat of crapping in their prize-winning marrow patch. The headline wasCAT-ASS-TROPHYand would not be in line for a Press Award.
Tuesday should have been pub night, but Maeve called in a rain check. She was cagey about it, too.
‘Have you got a date with that barman?’ Willow asked her straight out.
‘Not yet,’ said Maeve. ‘But I’m hot on the trail.’
Following the scent of brimstone.Willow wondered if her friend knew what she was doing and then decided that wasn’t fair. Maeve trusted Willow and wanted her to be happy,so Willow should do the same. Maeve could also wrap all of her advertising clients around her little finger without eventrying, so a possibly demonic entity would prove a rare worthy challenge.
On Wednesday, Harvey sent her proofs of the quarterly magazine to check. Willow had kept her word and not mentioned the subject of environmental activism again, despite being tempted to do so at least once a minute. She even searched online for local people whose surnames could feasibly have something to do with pigs and found way too many people called Hogg, Hoggard, Piggott and even Piguet. Willow, of course, image searched every single one, but with no luck. No solid, ex-military type with a well-ironed shirt.
Thursday, she decided to return to her old swimming spot and see whether the swans still wanted to kill her. She peered around the willow trunk but could see neither swans nor traces of a nest. Perhaps bloody Geillishadplanted the birds there? One day, Willow would summon the courage to ask her. For now, she’d hide her car keys in the hollow and thankfully retire the pink swim buoy.
