Page 125 of Crystal Iris
“My bed’s big enough.”
“I don’t want to hurt you in the middle of the night,” I tell him, considering the idea.
“We’ll put pillows between us.” He winks at me—that same wink from the party, the one that weakens me every time.
I smile. “Okay, we can try.”
I text Akira, telling her she can have my room as Hoyt heads into the bathroom.
I’m under the covers, browsing on my phone, when he comes back, a towel wrapped around his waist.
I can’t take my eyes off him—his body. I could still feel him on me.
He disappears into his closet, only to return wearing just a pair of black trunks. I haven’t seen him like this—not in this light, wearing almost nothing. His body reminds me of the Greek sculptures I know so well. Each muscle is defined.
I haven’t let myself really look at him before. Now, I take my time, tracing the scars and tattoos. A horseshoe beneath his right arm, just at his ribs. His brother’s prism shape on the back of his shoulder. And above his heart, there’s a date: IV_XVIII_MCMLXIX.
“What’s the date for?”
“My mother’s birthday.”
“Do you think she really is… alive?”
“I don’t know. You saw the photos. Why the fuck did everyone lie to us about it?”
“You don’t remember her? After your sister was born?”
“I kind of do, but my memories are scrambled. I thought I did. I told myself they had to be memories of her before Johanna. But I’m not sure if I remember them together, or if I just made some of them up. There weren’t many pictures of my mom around the house. Dad always said it wasn’t their thing—taking pictures. I don’t know. I should have pushed him for answers. Looks like we both have parents who ran away.”
“When are you leaving for Alaska?”
“Who said I was going?”
“Hoyt, it’s your mom.”
“And she knows where I live.”
He lies down on his side of the bed, on the side of the pillow mountain I made for us.
“It’s hard to lay here and still feel so far away,” I say, spilling my feelings.
“You have no idea how much I wish I could hold you right now.”
“I think you should go… to Alaska.”
“Why?”
“If there was any chance that my mom was alive… I would take it.”
He takes a deep breath. “I don’t know if I can do it,” he says, and I can feel him even without our bodies touching.
“Your sister… she deserves to know too,” I tell him.
“Will you come with us?”
“Me? I don’t know, Hoyt. I think this is something for you and your family to do. It’s not my place to… meddle in.”
“I need you.”
